1. When he penned this eloquent break up speech:
Our love is like an ocean, peaceful and deep. Also there's waves, Sharks, tsunamis, mean ass jelly fish and I wanna break up.
2. When he realized this universal truth:
I like Macaroni and cheese more than I like most people
3. When he was jealous of Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe for all the right reasons:
The Kardashian's are the kind of girls who always had money for the book fair.
4. When he was not at all about flip cup:
I'll play drinking games if it involves Connect Four and grape Fanta
5. When he came up with this fun rhyme:
Fry it, I'll try it.
6. When he just wanted to send some emojis to Harry, Niall, Louis, and Liam:
I just want to be on a group text with One Direction.
7. When he equated dip-hatred with tyranny:
Oh you don't like Spinach Artichoke dip? Guess you're not a big fan of freedom either.
8. When he realized that when there are 10 seasons of Friends, you have to go the extra mile:
It's never a Netflix sprint, it's always a Netflix Marathon.
9. When he found an upside to having a cold:
I hate being sick. But I love sympathy.
10. When he knew the importance of alone time:
Sometimes you just gotta blast some Black eye peas, wrap yourself in a snuggie and throw some bagel bites in the oven. #metime
11. When he realized he'd probably be cast as Fat Amy in a movie about his own life:
My life's like a romantic comedy except I'm the quirky best friend
12. When Harry Styles was his life force:
Didn't feel great when I woke up this morning, then I remembered Harry Styles exists, now I'm cool.
13. When he was not about to give up wheat:
Turns out gluten is where they hide all the delicious
14. When he realized he could probably name more Kardashians than U.S. senators:
I always want to comment on politics until I remember that last night I watched the Kardashian's and ate more than half a pizza.
15. When he speculated that there weren't actually that many fish in the sea:
My dating pool is whoever else is in line at Taco Bell at 2 in the morning.
16. When his spam folder gave him false hope:
Just got an email that I'm inheriting 50 million dollars from a stranger. Things are lookin up.
17. When he realized that there is an upside to aging:
Being an adult means dessert is always an option
18. When he thought a little too deeply about pop culture:
If you marry Queen Latifah do you become a King? King Latifah?
19. When he found the true meaning of #RelationshipGoals:
I just want someone to share a large pizza with
20. And when he came to this tragic realization:
Life isn't all Nachos and Nicki Minaj
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