Manhattan is filled with tourists, irrelevant nobodies, and a small but important contingent of opulent individuals.
But only one bitch reigns supreme in the Big Apple.
Cue Blair Waldorf.
1. Her sass game is on point.
She is so cold that being in her general presence most likely feels like the centre of the polar vortex.
2. She’s a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed.
Git it girl.
3. Her planning and organizational skills rival those of Martha Stewart.
If only we had a Blair Waldorf Living stationary line to look forward to.
4. She is wise beyond her years.
Seriously, this gal is like a glistening oyster filled with endless pearls of wisdom.
5. She knows how to party.
Ain’t no party like a Waldorf party cause a Waldorf party don’t stop.
6. She does preppy better than a Ralph Lauren catalogue.
Headbands on headbands on headbands.
7. And classy better than Coco Chanel.
8. She’s bilingual.
Voulez vous coucher avec Chuck, ce soir.
9. She has minions.
Unfortunately, they are not animated or yellow. But they are equally as dim witted and adorable.
10. Her résumé is stupid good.
Supervisor at W Magazine, Princess of Monaco, Owner of Waldorf Designs…would it kill her to have ‘Burger King Cashier’ or something on that list.
11. She’s an independent woman.
And, as we know from the lyrics of the original Queen B (Beyoncé, obviously): “Ladies, it ain’t easy bein’ independent.”
Poor Serena Van Der Woodsen,
She never stood a chance.
You know you love me, xoxo