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Definitive Proof That The X-Men Are Sexier IRL

We went to see an X-Men burlesque and rap show, and it was actually pretty awesome.

1. Webster Hall, a music and dance venue in New York City, recently hosted The X-Travaganza, a night of X-Men themed burlesque and hip-hop.

Because this is a truly bizarre combination of things, we had to be there.

2. The evening started with the hip-hop part of the show, with nerdcore rapper Adam WarRock spitting rhymes about Cerebro, Magneto, and Beast.

Matthew Perpetua/BuzzFeed

Sadly, he didn’t have enough time to perform his excellent tribute to Cyclops.

3. The burlesque show was emceed by Bastard Keith, who introduced the show as Professor Charles Xavier.

4. The first proper burlesque performance was by Fem Appeal, who was an utterly flawless late ’70s version of Storm.

5. And naturally, the performance was set to the Scorpions’ “Rock You Like A Hurricane.”

6. After that, we were treated to a gender-swapped version of Rogue and Gambit portrayed by Betty Quirk and Leelando Calrissian. They danced to MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This,” which was brilliant.

7. Even without the gender-swap aspect, it was cool to see that this show wasn’t just going to be all about ogling women, and that dudes were going to be up there dancing too.

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8. No one performed as Magneto, but Miss Charles Stunning’s routine as his daughter, the Scarlet Witch, was set to “My Heart Belongs to Daddy”

Matthew Perpetua/BuzzFeed

9. And by the end, she wasn’t wearing anything but her tiara and a Magneto-helmet thong.

10. Wolverine is always fierce, but Matt Knife’s portrayal of the clawed berserker was fierce in a very different sense of the word.

11. Unfortunately, we don’t have a good shot of him flashing his bare ass.

12. Gambit wasn’t the only character who was gender-swapped at the X-Travaganza.

Matthew Perpetua/BuzzFeed

13. Mary Cyn’s performance as the mouthy mercenary was even better because she was dancing to a mashup of Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe” and Nine Inch Nails’ “Head Like A Hole.”

14. Topher Bousquet switched things up in the middle of the show by doing a truly astonishing contortionist act as Nightcrawler.

15. Lefty Lucy, the organizer of the show, was next up as Kitty Pryde.

16. And she went the extra mile by doing her entire performance with a homemade puppet of Kitty’s pet dragon, Lockheed.

17. Hazel Honeysuckle closed out the show as Jubilee, and danced to truly inspired song selections. She came out to “Let’s Go To the Mall” from How I Met Your Mother

18. And finished with a bit of Katy Perry’s “Firework,” because, duh.

19. Everyone came out again at the end to take a bow.

That’s stagehand Sarah Tops in her version of the classic yellow-and-black X-Men costume.

20. This was a one-off event, but many of the performers regularly appear in fandom-based burlesque shows.

Here’s Sarah Tops as Poison Ivy and Mary Cyn as The Joker in a recent Batman burlesque show in Washington, D.C.

21. But hopefully they’ll get together to do this again, if just because there’s soooooo many X-Men they didn’t get around to putting on stage.

 

These are just random, totally impeccable cosplayers.

22. And it’s absolutely necessary for someone to dramatize the sexual tension between these two guys in the form of a burlesque routine.

 

23. Or, y’know, this classic bromance.

20th Century Fox

If they can actually get McAvoy and Fassbender to do it, they could sell out an arena.

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