1. There are so many Matts and Matthews in the world that you inevitably end up being "Matt P." or "Matt S." or "Matt B." in school or at work.
2. If your name is Matthew, most people will call you Matt. This is just how it is.
3. If you tell people you'd prefer to be called Matthew and not Matt, they will think you are pretentious and mostly call you Matt anyway.
4. You are grateful for those rare occasions when there's two Matthews in a group, and one of you can agree to be Matt, and the other, Matthew.
5. If you are overweight, some jerk will call you "Fat Matt" and think they are being clever.
6. Other people will insist on calling you "Matty," and you just have to deal with it.
7. People – smart people! – will spell your name with only one T, despite the fact that almost no one aside from Beyoncé's dad does that.
8. If a person with a French accent says your name, it will always sound like they are sneezing.
9. People will accidentally call you Michael or Mike enough times that you just roll with it.
10. You take some pride in having such a popular name, like you're on a winning team.
11. Which leads to you feeling vaguely sad when it drops down slightly from top baby name lists.
12. After all, Matthew means "gift of God," and you most certainly are one.
