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1. Trying to move our make out session to the backseat, like nah, let's stay right here, we're in open view and that big ass wheel ain't gonna let us get our freak on, so be it.
2. Putting a hand to my upper thigh, which may be close to my crotch, but is also a few inches away from the blow torch I keep stationed in there to blow them fucking fingers into oblivion.
3. Saying that you love eating women out. Damn. Hold up while I take out the medal that I reserve for all the homies that like to share that fun fact.
4. Playfully tugging my hair, like ha, watch me playfully tug at your nutsack and see how you like it.
5. Playfully slapping my ass, like ha, watch me playfully slap you into unconsciousness.
6. Saying that I'm "different than most girls," which is interesting, because, like "most girls," I probably don't want to fuck with you either.
7. Asking me for the 4th time if I'd like a drink, even though 1) I'm already tipsy 2) there's no guarantee that getting me a Sex on the Beach is gonna lead to sex in the bedroom 3) getting me "loose" is a shitty way to coerce me into doing things with you.
8. Telling me that I probably can't see/acknowledge just how beautiful I truly am. Ugh. Bless that eyesight of yours, but don't worry baby. I already know I look good. You don't gotta tell me.
9. Catcalling, or basically, the precursor to a good ass kicking. You like to work that mouth? I like to work my fists.
10. Licking your lips at me, repeatedly. Do you need some chapstick???????
11. Saying that you're "one of a kind." Which is a great. Good thing there's only one of you.
12. Cheesy pick up lines, unless they're really creative, or come with a serving of something with cheese.
13. Approaching me at the bar with the usual tagline of: "Hey, my name is [basic]. I work at [bank/company/business/establishment that's supposed to sound impressive]. Can I get you a cheep beer? A vodka and cranberry, only more vodka than cranberry?"
14. Joking that you love long walks on the beach. I love long walks to the bathroom, which is where you can find me throwing up over that overused line.
15. Staring deeply into my eyes like my irises hold the answer to the universe or some shit.
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