1. Best Use of Repurposed Wallpaper: Lucy Liu
Lucy Liu just resurrected Laura Ashley in one fell swoop.
2. Best Use of Repurposed O.R. Scrubs: Jessica Chastain
Jessica Chastain broke all the color rules by pairing pastel teal with red hair.
3. Most Pizzazz: Bill Murray
Thank you, Bill Murray. In a sea of boring tuxedos, you shine like a diamond.
4. Hairstyle that Most Contributed to the Death of the ’20s Flapper Look: Amy Adams
It’s possibly the most tired and trying way of achieving “glamour.”
5. Best Dress Worn by a Seat Filler: Cody Horn
Not sure how the Magic Mike costar got a front-row seat, but at least she managed to get noticed (by being pretty much topless).
6. Best Look from the Neck Up: Kaley Cuoco
She was the only one daring enough to wear goth lipstick.
7. Coolest Girls at the Party: Anjelica Houston and Helena Bonham Carter
They probably smoked in the bathroom and hung out in the parking lot afterwards.
8. Most Overdressed: Taylor Swift
In every photo of Taylor Swift at the Golden Globes, she looks like she’s presiding over her kingdom or something.
9. Most Underdressed: Halle Berry
Didn’t know that Ed Hardy made gowns.
10. Best Prom Dress: Lena Dunham
The best thing about Lena Dunham is that she never gets it right, and that’s why you love her.
11. The Dress Most Likely to Win a “Project Runway” Challenge: Julianne Moore
Nina Garcia thinks this dress looks both modern and polished.
12. Best 3-in-1 Dress: Rachel Weisz
It’s a Little Black Dress! It’s a long gown! It’s a mourner’s veil!
13. The Girl Who Looked the Most Comfy: Julie Bowen
If you could wear a silk bag to an awards show, you’d probably do it, too.
14. Pointiest Shoes
Here’s Marion Cotillard looking AWESOME in holographic witch shoes and orange velour.
15. Most Predictable Bombshell Dress: Sofia Vergara
I hope she donates this dress to a charity for needy pageant contestants.
16. Most Predictable See-Through Dress: J. Lo
You THINK it’s skin but it’s actually just flesh-colored mesh, which is that much more appealing.
17. Nicest Manicure-to-Dress Color Matching: Connie Britton
Connie Britton’s nails looked lovely, and I felt she deserved an award for something.
18. Palest White Woman in a White Dress: Sienna Miller
This was tough competition, as there must have been some kind of memo going around that everyone should wear white dresses to this thing. Other contenders: Amanda Seyfried and Amy Adams.
19. Best Flask Concealed as a Handbag: J. Lo
This thing must keep vodka real cold.
20. Most Conflicting Hair and Neckline: Kate Hudson
She really should have worn her hair up for this one. The blond hair and the gold sequins just kind of blend into a shiny blob.
21. Best Dress on a Young Person: Zosia Mamet
Love the Princess-Leia-goes-S&M look.
22. Girl Most Likely to Win an Oscar by Dressing Like One: Emily Blunt
23. The Dress that Defied the Most Gravity: Jennifer Lawrence
The upper deck on Jennifer Lawrence’s dress seemed possessed by a whole mind of its own.
24. Best Prepared for an Arctic Expedition: Emily Mortimer
She dressed for the weather, apparently.
25. Weirdest Neckline: Rosario Dawson
You seldom see a baby v-neck on a gala dress, but at least it wasn’t a plunging V like half the other dresses at this thing.
26. Dress That Looked the Most Like a Tattoo: Juliana Margulies
For some reason, this dress reminds me of that Presidential candidate from the Czech Republic…
27. Most Flattering Dress that Was Also Weird: Michelle Dockery
Kudos to Michelle Dockery for managing to pull this one off.
28. Best Cleavage: Amy Poehler
Her cleavage the whole night was of Blake Lively proportions.
29. Hands-Down Worst Fashion Moment: Eva Longoria
Girl shoulda worn bike shorts underneath.
She is, however, shadowed by the BEST fashion moment: who is the mystery woman in the ’80s snow queen outfit?? She rules.