1. Any part of your body that isn’t covered feels like knife blades slicing into your skin when you walk outside.
2. If dry skin were gold, you’d be the King Midas of winter.
Wherever you go, a flurry of white flecks goes with you.
3. Your everyday life basically feels like prison.
Oh, it’s dark outside already? Just another day in the gulag.
4. No matter how much blanket rolling and tucking you do, it’s still freezing in your house.
5. You’re terminally jealous of people who actually find layering to be “fun and cute” as opposed to cumbersome.
But congrats to them for managing to not look like a ski toddler.
7. Speaking of horror movies, you get the worst nosebleeds.
The air is too damn dry.
8. The nose issues alone are enough to annihilate your will to live.
You don’t have a cold and yet the snot runs freely whenever you’re outside.
9. The first step you take when leaving the house looks like this.
This is the hard, ugly truth of what snow really looks like.
10. Ironically, the heat in your car never seems to kick in until you’re already at your destination.
11. Instead of finding the whimsy in bird tracks left in the snow, you consider it to be more of an omen.
That is almost certainly a chalk outline of your frozen dead body.
12. Whenever your partner’s cold, bloodless feet accidentally touch you, it makes you want to scream.
True love dies in the winter. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
13. Christmas is over and you have nothing else to live for.
Just long, dark days of eternal melancholy.
14. The mice have taken over.
Your home is their home now. But at least you still have the confines of your bed.
15. Your favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
16. Vision, your most prized of the human senses, is frequently compromised.
17. There is absolutely nothing and no one that is worth getting out of bed and putting on pants for.
18. You wonder if maybe global warming is a good thing.
<3 u, Al Gore, but in no way can 68 degrees in December be considered bad.
19. Considering the amount of alcohol you drink during the winter to cope, you may as well just be in a coma.
And avoid that whole hungover part.
20. You’ve managed to store an ample amount of fat and blubber on your bones.
Proof that humans were designed to hibernate during the winter.
21. There isn’t really much going on in your life anyway.
No one will notice if they don’t see you for two months.
22. All the good TV will be back on the air when you finally wake up.
You’ve had just about enough of this whole mid-winter finale business.
23. You’re just about ready to start complaining about how hot it is.
Bring on the mosquitoes and swamp ass because you are ready for winter to be OVER.