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1) I know how exciting it can be at a fest with all that crazy debauchery going on around you, but my first tip is to seek out any schedule and jot down the acts you want to see, the time they’re playing and on what stage. This will save you a lot of frustration and possibly spare you from missing that obscure band from Scandinavia that you’ve been hearing so much about.
2) Hydrate! Yes, beer counts (in my book anyway), but for your mother’s sake try and throw in one of those $5 bottles of water the festival’s hocking. Your wallet may not thank you but you kidneys will!
3) Hipster hat: check and oversize sunglasses: a must! You’ve gotta shield your sexy skin from the sun’s harsh rays. Melanoma = not cool! So sunscreen up or your next day’s burn will be more of a bitch to deal with than your hangover.
4) An age old adage and good festival advice…don’t take candy from strangers (or anything that involves being smoked or digested for that matter). You might just find yourself mysteriously passed out in a bush behind the port-a-potties, naked and covered in stickers from that weird Scandinavia band that you missed ’cause you ignored my first rule.
5) Deodorize! Just because you’re at a music fest doesn’t mean you can go all kumbaya for the day. How are people supposed to enjoy the bands when they keep getting punched in the face by your ranky musk?
6) Wear flips flops….I dare you! But don’t cry into your Value Village vintage tee when you get your toes stomped on repeatedly by drunk, stinky hipsters.
7) An extremely important, but too often over looked rule. Be kind to your fellow concert goers and please keep the douchebaggery to a minimum.
8) My last and perhaps most important rule: avoid the port-a-potty village at all cost! Or, if after all those beers and that $5 water you’ve just gotta go…I salute you, brave concert goer! Try to avoid touching anything, breathing and definitely resist the urge to look down. You’re welcome.
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