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1. You have a love-hate relationship with Karl Marx.
2. You know how Weber would interpret conservative policies against public assistance programs.
3. You use Durkheim to understand mob mentality.
4. You’re all about that intersectionality.
5. You sigh when people mix up sex and gender.
6. You know that everything, at least in part, is socially constructed.
7. Biological determinism makes you puke.
8. Bourdieu and Foucault get you hot and heavy.
9. You hear a lot of people’s opinions on social reality, and they’re mostly wrong.
10. So you spend a lot of time explaining why things happen the way they do.
11. You see data where others do not.
12. You know that the intuitive is not always the truth.
13. Which is why nothing bothers you more than attempts to use personal anecdotes to refute research.
14. You always resist entitlement by checking yourself on your own privileges.
15. You give others the benefit of the doubt, by considering their disadvantages.
16. You realize that most conservative politicians have no clue what they’re talking about.
17. When Justice Scalia said sociologists were undecided about the effects of same-sex parenting on children, you were furious.
18. But you know that’s all to blame on this guy.
19. YOU. HATE. CAPITALISM.
20. Because you’re (not so) secretly a total socialist.
21. Which is why Wilkinson & Pickett’s research on societal inequality validates everything you believe.
22. Though sometimes you do wonder if you're too liberal.
23. But then you remember that it’s all supported by science.
24. You hear “sociology isn’t a science” all the time.
25. 25. And you think "Fine, say goodbye to any enlightened social policy then…"
26. You've given up on trying to bridge the “natural science vs social science” divide.
27. You roll your eyes when you hear people say that science is totally objective.
28. You see how everything is interconnected.
29. So sometimes you wonder if social reality is just too complex for humans to ever truly understand.
30. And then you stare out the window, pondering if our field will ever discover a single theory that explains all of social reality.
31. Sometimes you think social psychology is a bit of a redundant discipline.
32. But mostly because you wish psychology, anthropology, and economics would all just join forces with you.
33. You know that so much amazing research could be done if only it weren’t for those darn ethical codes.
34. You’re a feminist.
35. You get pissed off at people who claim that they’re “color blind,” in terms of race.
36. You’re ashamed by how few people analyze society along lines of class.
37. You want to raise your children without gendered expectations.
38. You realize that racism is so much more than using slurs.
39. You see heteronormativity EVERYWHERE.
40. Sometimes the feminization of poverty just makes you want to cry.
41. Culture of poverty theory advocates make you want to scream.
42. You’re shocked by how sexist Disney movies are.
43. The criminal justice system horrifies you.
44. The education system disgusts you.
45. The political system repulses you.
46. You often daydream of a utopian society without gender, race, or class.
47. You frequently use sociology buzz words, like "systemic, institution, binary, construction, and hegemonic."
48. And more ‘progressive’ terms, like "queer people, indigenous peoples, people of color, socio-economic status, gender identity minorities."
49. You’re not sure if you’re a conflict theorist, symbolic interactionist, or structural functionalist.
50. Or, for that matter, if you’re a positivist or interpretivist.
51. Or, for THAT matter, a post-positivist or constructivist.
52. …Or critical realist?
53. You’re often haunted by the realization that morality is completely relative.
54. You know how to fix all of the world’s social problems.
55. You’re surprisingly good at statistics.
56. But no other type of math. At all.
57. It feels like you only study the bad parts about society, which has made you a bit of a cynic.
58. So you’ve taken all of society’s burdens upon your shoulders.
59. Which likely explains your alcohol consumption.
60. But most of all, you love studying the science of how society works, and the insight it has given you is invaluable.
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