The Dream: Talk about having it all. Gadgets, lair, sweet ride, bathing in money, sidekick AND a butler? You wanted it. We all wanted it. We’d even take Robin if it meant we could have the rest.
The Soul-Crushing Reality: Spandex makes you itch.
12. Mia Thermopolis (aka Anne Hathaway in Princess Diaries)
The Dream: To be sucked out of your shitty life and given instant wealth, respect, and a really awesome make-over sequence.
The Soul-Crushing Reality: Nobody ever actually showed up to reveal that you’re secretly the princess/prince of anywhere, except for maybe somewhere on Foursquare but that doesn’t even count.
11. Inigo Montoya
The Dream: Nobody in the history of ever will posses as much swag and sword-fighting finesse as this dude. Except you, or so you dreamed.
The Soul-Crushing Reality: Let’s face it, you would accidentally stab yourself in your own eye before you could avenge anyone.
10. Jack Sparrow
The Dream: High-seas shenanigrandry, unlimited freedom, and the respect you deserve!
The Soul-Crushing Reality: Actual pirates go to jail for, like, a really long time, and most ships these days don’t even have those cool sails on them, so why bother?
9. Abraham Lincoln
The Dream: Four score and seven years ago, Abe Lincoln was the original BAMF, and you’ve known it since 1st grade.
The Soul-Crushing Reality: We are no longer embroiled in a major Civil War, I don’t think. Also stove-pipe hats went out of style. Bummer.
8. A velociraptor from Jurassic Park
The Dream: To be able to rip through your hater’s throats with razor sharp fangs and avoid actually growing up and joining the real world.
The Soul-Crushing Reality: You’re not a dinosaur. I know, life’s rough.
3. Indiana Jones
The Dream: You were going to travel, kill nazis, discover the riches of the world and absolutely rock a fedora like it was nobody’s business.
The Soul-Crushing Reality: Turns out archaeology actually just equals a lot of essay-writing and dusting rocks other people have also already dusted.
- Up to 150,000 penguins may have been killed by an iceberg blocking their access to the sea.
- And how well do you know what happened in the news this week? Take our quiz.