Gwyneth Paltrow's infamous lifestyle blog Goop has released its 2015 gift guides, and they are incredible.
1.
This thing that Goop can't even tell you about because they don't know.
2.
This one that proves family portraiture is truly over.
3.
This thing that is apparently "more real-deal" than a lamp.
4.
This incredibly overpriced football.
5.
Whatever the fuck this is.
6.
This book for anyone with big aspirations, but few skills.
7.
This set of dumbbells that rendered Goop "speechless".
8.
This tank that will probably remain empty unless you have a good jellyfish guy.
9.
This gift that gives instant bragging rights.
10.
These cards that even have a leather card case.
11.
These, because how else would your kids know dinner is ready?
12.
This bulk bag of pistachio nuts.
13.
This expensive and completely unnecessary bathroom appliance.
14.
And THIS expensive and completely unnecessary bathroom accessory.
15.
These cuff links that made Goop say "Ha!".
16.
This ideal gift for anyone who goes homeware shopping at the Museum of Modern Art.
17.
This luggage case that costs more than an airfare.
18.
This thing for anyone lacking street cred because of their table salt.
19.
This, which is worth waiting for.
20.
This gift that seems less effective than a regular keychain.
22.
This overly complicated set of deconstructed matchsticks.
23.
This fairly priced lunch bag.
24.
This kit for anyone who's been looking everywhere for the right toilet paper.
25.
This, for that same person who has almost reached peak toilet game.
26.
And this bottle of personalised hot sauce.
