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Nine Crime Shows That Would Have Been Better With Magic

Jaye Wells, author of DIRTY MAGIC and the USA Today bestselling Sabina Kane series, presents the nine best crime shows that would have been better with magic.

9. The Wire

Why it’s already magical:

Omar. The man was practically a wizard—except for the time he was gunned down by a child in a convenience store.

How it could be better:

Bunk’s cigar becomes a magic wand he uses to zap McNulty whenever he makes another bad life choice.

Stringer Bell has a magical gavel that prevents his crews from ignoring Roger’s Rules of Order.

A magical faery appears in the last episode and grants every viewer’s wish that there was a hint of hope for the future of any of the characters.

8. Breaking Bad

Why it’s already magical:

Only a high school chemistry teacher with brain cancer is able to cook meth so pure it’s the color of blue rock candy.

How it could be better:

Every time Hector Salamanca rings his bell, a junky gets his fix.

Hank’s minerals (they’re not rocks!) are enchanted and light up whenever there’s a clue that his own brother-in-law is a drug kingpin. Unfortunately, the color purple from all of his witch wife’s purple amulets blinds him to every strobe-like flash of insight.

7. Luther

Why it’s already magical:

I defy anyone to prove that Idris Elba isn’t a warlock. His allure combined with Ruth Wilson’s psychopathic charms create a potent magic.

How it could be better:

Luther is a psychic with a terrible blind spot when it comes to people he loves. Kind of like the real show, only with a decent reason for his uncanny insights into crime and severe addiction to self-sabotage.

6. The Shield

How it’s already magical:

Detective Vic Mackey, played by Michael Chiklis, is a horrible human being, but you still find him sort of hot and want him to win.

Shane Vendrell’s preternaturally white teeth.

How it could be better:

Corrine Mackey begins studying voodoo in an effort to make her ex-husband pay for all his low-down misdeed.

Curtis Lemansky comes back from the dead in a very special Christmas Carol-esque episode of The Shield.

5. Miami Vice

Why it’s already magical:

Sonny Crockett’s white linen pants, which never suffered a single speck of blood or gunpowder residue.

How it could be better:

Crocket’s powerboat is actually a time machine that propels Sonny and Tubbs to 2014, where they are forced to stand trial for their crimes against fashion.

4. CHiPS

Why it’s already magical:

Frank Poncherello’s potent sex magic—usually unleashed when he was disco dancing— is to blame for the conception of 68% of Generation Y.

How it could be better:

An episode where a woman scorned by Ponch curses the partner’s motorcycles, turning them into death machines. Ponch and John have to seek out the help of a local exorcist to put a halt to the Kawsakis’ bloody spree.

3. Castle

Why it’s already magical:

Author can afford a luxurious apartment in New York City and never has to write.
Laney is able to provide forensics conclusions in minutes, when it would take normal crime labs weeks or months for results.

How it could be better:

An episode where Castle, Becket and the gang get a magical phone that allows them to verify a suspect’s alibi before staging an embarrassing false accusation in the interrogation room.

2. Justified

Why it’s already magical:

The star-crossed bromance between Raylan Givens and Boyd Crowder.

How it could be better:

Mags Bennet was a Granny Woman, a sort of mountain shaman, who treats people with her enchanted moonshine. She comes back to life after her body is steeped in her favorite still for 28 days.

Ava Crowder’s prostitutes are succubi. The energy they collect from their johns is harnessed by Boyd to run the UV lights in his marijuana operation.
Raylan’s magical pants grow tighter whenever Boyd is near.

1. Walker Texas Ranger

Why it’s already magical:

Chuck Norris. Enough said.

How it could be better:

Magic improves when you add Chuck Norris—not the other way around.

To find out more about this exciting, new series check out DIRTY MAGIC by Jaye Wells.

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