Why Pants Are The Devil

Constricting britches of suppression.

1. Expectation.

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Reality.

I don't know about you, but this happens to me all the time. Yes, I know, I've been putting on pants since I was a wee child, but it's a very difficult task! If I don't lose my balance, I put both feet in the same leg- I went to college.

2. Knee sagging

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You know, when you sit all day and the knee of your skinny jeans stretch out so when you take it off- your pants have knees. As demonstrated here by Victoria Beckham.

3. Flat butt illusion

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When your skinny jeans are too tight they constrict your buns and make them look like pancakes.

4. Pants straight out of the dryer

You might be thinking, "wait, I love pants straight out of the dryer; they are like a warm hug!" -yeah a warm hug that deceives you and burns you when you least expect it with scolding hot buttons and zippers!

5. Because the man wants you to conform and wear pants!

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Improv Everywhere has been hosting no pants subway ride for years. Originally as a small prank, it now reaches over 60 cities in 25 counties.

6. Blanket Togas.

I warn my friends if they come over unannounced, I may opt for this option if I am not wearing pants. Instructions here!

7. Although cooking pantsless is a problem...

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8. When I try and get ready to go in public

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9. I guess I'll give pants a shot.

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10. Ultimately...

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11. But when I get home...

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