A Pity Party For Victims Of Allergy Season

This one goes out to the stuffy-nosed, dry-eyed, and phlegmy heroes who have to deal with the Earth’s constant need to change seasons even though it’s clearly a direct assault on their bodies and no one is doing anything to stop it!

So you’re enjoying winter like the total ice boss that you are.

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When all of a sudden you notice something.

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It snuck up on you again, like it always does!

Via Twitter: @Omri_Rawrlan

The season when all your friends go outside to cover themselves in pollen or whatever it is you do in the spring.

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It’s not your fault you can’t frolic outside like everybody else… you were built differently.

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This is everybody else’s nose in the spring as represented by a dog door…

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And this is your nose during spring as represented by a dog door.

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In the summer, once the trees have stopped trying to poison you with their airborne allergen missiles, you’re a jaw dropping ball of fun.

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But for the next three months your life is a perpetual hangover.

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Your usually silky smooth skin becomes bran-flake-dry and resembles a case of mild leprosy.

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Your eyes, that more than once you’ve been told have a sparkle in them, become a Clear Eyes commercial nightmare.

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And when you see someone you think you want to have children with…

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You want to be all like…

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But with your bloated face retaining water like a camel with trust issues, even when you try your hardest you look like…

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You’ve tried every quick-fix trick in the book.

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So deal with it in whichever way works for you.

(Those are decongestants people, don’t get weird…) guesopl.tumblr.com

And bid the outdoors farewell… See you in June!

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