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1. Nothing can get in the way of you and food.
2. Nothing. Not even the lack of utensils.
3. Or pain.
4. Even your warrior name has something to do with food.
5. Your athletic aspirations also revolve around food.
6. And so does your idea of "sexy time."
7. You know where to turn when things get difficult.
8. Because you completely believe that food can improve any situation.
ANY.
9. Like an office meeting.
10. Or when you're trying to call a truce.
11. Food also helps you be honest to people.
12. That's why you'll never believe in diet fads.
13. And why you'll never trade food for anything.
14. And why should you? You're already awesome just the way you are.
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