8 Things Bill de Blasio Should Do On His First Day As NYC's Mayor

Running NYC is not an easy job. Lucky for Bill, the NYCLU has just the thing to help him get through his first day in City Hall.

1. First thing. Wake up, look in the mirror and say, "Never be the guy who says, “I’m colorblind.” NOBODY LIKES THAT GUY.

Race exists. And it affects everything. Deal with it, dawg.

2. Next. After you arrive at the office, go online and buy the new NYPD commissioner - William J. Bratton - the box set of ‘Breaking Bad’ as a welcome gift.

This'll remind Commissioner Bratton that white people commit crimes, too.

3. While out buying lunch, buy a thinking cap.

This will help you draft policies that are effective AND constitutional. #GiraffeKnowsBest should be your new mantra. Put it on a t-shirt.

4. While you eat lunch at your desk, take a second to send this Beyoncé video to the new public schools chancellor - Carmen Fariña - over Facebook chat. (Click for the video.)

Attach the following note: "Bey the change that you want to see in the world! Lol. Lunch soon?" When you meet, encourage the new chancellor to support discipline policies that favor choreographed dance numbers over handcuffs. As grandma always used to say, "There isn't a tantrum alive that a little Bey can't handle." #ShitGrandmaSays #BeyHive

5. After lunch, place a picture of your family on your desk. (Hi, Chirlane! Hi, Dante! Hi, Chiara!)

NYC loves diversity, and we love seeing a first family that looks a lot like the people of our great city! Let’s celebrate what makes this city thrive by honoring our immigrants with…a municipal ID card! That way, everyone in the world can come #SmackDownDance with the de Blasio's in NYC!

6. At 3'o'clock, send a tweet threatening to body slam any city agency that keeps secrets from the public.

At 4'o'clock, hold a press conference to blame the tweet on an intern. Juuuust kidding. But, seriously, bring the hurt. Somebody has got to hold those city agencies accountable! (Especially, the NYPD, know what we're saying?)

7. Before leaving the office, watch this video to learn how to smize from Tyra. (Click for the video.)

As mayor, everyone’s gonna want your picture. So learn how to take a good one. NOTE: Some NYCers may include the words @#$, OR ^@#$%^#@$, OR (&&^$, OR @#$%# in the graphics or gifs they make using your picture. DEFEND OUR FUCKING RIGHT TO DO SO. Why? Because memes and gifs are &^()^*#$ funny, and protected by our Constitution.

8. And, finally, say 'Yes!'

NYC! Tell Bill to say 'YES!' It would make us the happiest civil liberties union in the world! CLICK HERE to make it happen. #SayYesBill