1. Clubs are a wasteland where your self-esteem and confidence go to die.
2. Your hands will inevitably become DRENCHED. IN. SWEAT. as soon as you start talking to someone you like.
It doesn't matter how hard you try, they'll never dry up.
3. And because you're not the smiling type, when you do try to smile you'll unintentionally scare people off.
4. When you find yourself alone at a club, you'll constantly check your phone because it's better than standing around looking at random strangers.
5. You'll spot someone you'd like to talk to, but they're in a group of three or more people, and you'll be like, "NOPE!"
6. When you finally start talking to someone you like, you'll start talking about nonsensical stuff that you don't care about.
7. And your butt-cheeks will clench together and be as hard as steel.
8. You'll suck at making eye contact.
9. You'll damage your vocal chords because you're constantly screaming at them over the loud music.
10. You will try and make yourself sound more sophisticated than you actually are.
11. You'll say something sarcastic as a pickup line and then realize they don't know your sense of humor and they probably think you're a total jerk.
12. You will laugh at all their jokes because, you know, you're attracted to them. Even if you can't hear the punchline over the damn music.
13. When you're successful enough to dance with the person you're interested in, you realize that YOU CAN'T DANCE.
14. And they'll look at you like:
15. You'll come across an awkward pause and it'll be the most horrifying thing ever.
16. When they're not interested in you, you'll feel the energy of the conversation go out the window, and you won't know how to leave the sinking ship.
17. When the person you're flirting with suddenly reveals they have a S.O., you'll be like:
18. And finally, at some point you'll say to yourself, "Screw this! Never again! I'M GETTING TINDER!"
