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"You bring your own goddamn oranges!" – Coach.
If the pros are doing it, I HAVE TO DO IT.
"Yes, ref. You caught me. I have razor blades for cleats. WHATCHUGONNADO BOUT IT?"
LIKE. A. MOFO.
Because your coach never actually washed them, even though they were drenched in sweat for the last six months.
It was the closest thing to looking like a Super Saiyan.
"Lancaster? WTF is Lancaster?"
"Yeah. I play soccer. And that makes me cooler than you."
Suicides, VO2s, sprinting, laps, walking as a team, jogging as a team, sprinting as a team, you name it. It sucked.
For those who didn't grow up on the beach, consider yourself lucky.
The horror... the horror....
If you didn't have these, backpacks and sweaters could also work as goal posts.
"This guy can only juggle to ten. That must mean he's the worst player ever."
And you played it off real cool, even though inside you're genuinely shocked that you managed to pull it off.
The dreaded nutmeg, or "El Túnel." The key to breaking a soccer player's spirit.
The one injury that will always cause people to chuckle.
"IF I TELL YOU TO COVER THAT SON OF A BITCH, YOU COVER THAT SON OF A BITCH!" –10-year-old goalkeeper.
One minute in ice water, one minute in hot water. FEEL THE BURN.
And if you have kids, you damn well know they'll be playing soccer, too.