1. You’ll get a sudden boost of self-confidence.
“HOLY SHIT. Someone likes me.”
2. You’ll start looking into the mirror more frequently.
“Yeah… I think I know what she saw in me… I got, like, a really likable face.”
3. You’ll buy shaving cream and razors because you now give a shit.
“$2 for six BIC razors? That’s incredible!”
4. You’ll buy cologne even though you’ve never used cologne in your life.
Date: “Are you wearing Fabergé?”
Me: “Adidás, yo.”
5. You’ll start working out thinking you’ll lose 15 pounds in five days.
6. You’ll start doing sit ups hoping to get a six-pack in less than a week.
7. You’ll do push-ups the days leading up to the big day hoping you’ll get some decent pectorals.
“I WILL DO TWENTY PUSH UPS EVERY MORNING!… Twenty is enough, right?”
9. You’ll develop some swagger and buy some new clothes for the special day.
Even though they’re clothes you don’t typically wear and are terribly uncomfortable.
10. You’ll watch YouTube tutorials for how to put on a tie.
Because clip-ons are socially unacceptable EVEN THOUGH THEY MAKE EVERYONE’S LIFE EASIER!
11. You’ll wash your car for the first time in years.
12. You’ll vacuum your car for the first time in decades.
“Is – Is that a mushroom?”
13. You’ll buy whitening toothpaste hoping it’ll give you perfect teeth.
14. You’ll get a haircut because you now have a reason to look good.
15. You’ll practice your “sexy face”.
16. You’ll practice your dance moves because you never know when you’ll need to bust a move.
17. You’ll pretend to know all the best spots in the city even though you rarely go out.
18. You’ll wonder about whether you should arrive five minutes early or five minutes late to your date.
“Do I want to look desperate or laid-back? LIFE IS HARD.”
19. You’ll check your bank account to make sure you have enough money to do whatever they want.
“No! McDonalds is NOT an option.”
20. You’ll get advice from EVERYONE you know about what to do on your first date.
21. You’re gonna try and keep your cool even though you’re ridiculously nervous and probably screaming inside.
But at the end of the day, it’s all about being yourself.
- Dylann Roof has been formally charged with nine counts of murder for the Charleston church shooting last month.
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