Hello there, Apple Music, Spotify, Pandora, and other streaming services!
We need to talk about how you stream classical music because, well, it sucks. It really, REALLY sucks.
First, there's the ongoing difficulty of determining who's the "artist" in classical music.
So let's say you're listening to Lang Lang and an unfamiliar piece comes up. How do you know who it's by if the composer isn't listed anywhere?
Maybe if you guys realized that classical doesn't necessarily fit into standards set by pop, we could start fixing this shit.
A lot of this could be solved by simply adding a "composer" column. That way, the performer could fill the "artist" category without any confusion.
Look! So simple.
You are driving us CRAZY.
Oh, and classical music fans do not enjoy the fact that bigger works, like symphonies and operas, are split up and appear randomly in playlists.
It'd be like reading one chapter of a bunch of novels to get a sense of great literature.
You can't just give us one movement of a symphony and then go on to something else. Most of us want to hear whole pieces!
And if you do keep them together, there's gotta be a better way to differentiate the tracks.
Yeah, we know track titles are long. You could start with the movement instead of the title, or maybe even just have a "hover to reveal" function.
So please work on that, because we DO NOT LIKE IT.
Maybe you guys could just focus on fixing the little things, like the artwork for this piece played by Solomon.
He actually looks like this.
There's quite a bit of mistaken identity in streaming services, too. Kim Kashkashian is a lovely lady, but she's not quite at Kim KarDASHian levels.
Just Google this shit. Seriously. It's an easy fix.
You guys need to start actually catering to classical music fans. Who is actively seeking out music for their elevator rides?!
If you truly knew the classical audience, you'd know that fans don't want people to pigeon hole classical music as "boring" and use it to fall asleep.
And Apple Music, your starter selection of classical composers and artists is somewhat questionable. Why are they including The Piano Guys alongside greats like Itzhak Perlman and Yo-Yo Ma?
Spotify, you list ~Sandstorm~ in the classical section. WHY?!?!?!
Maybe y'all can make a separate category called "Classical Lite" for casual fans who want the most watered down version of classical music.
An easy fix would be to get an actual human expert to curate this stuff. Maybe even someone who enjoys classical music and actually knows what they're talking about!
Because if you do that, you can avoid ridiculous errors. You know, like how the first track of the "Intro to Jessye Norman" playlist DOESN'T HAVE JESSYE NORMAN ON IT.
A real human would never let a Brubaker piece into the "Intro to John Cage" playlist.
It's so fucking frustrating!
So please guys, take our suggestions, lest we resurrect Beethoven just so he can pull a Taylor Swift and remove all his tracks.