21 Questions Glasgow Has For The Rest Of The World

    Ye dinnae understand us? Och, gie's peace. That's pure mince.

    Nina Glencross
    by Nina Glencross

    BuzzFeed Contributor

    1. Why do ice cream vans in other cities only sell ice cream?

    2. Why aren't all sausages square?

    Instagram: @trowty

    Bratwurst is all well and good, but Lorne sausage is truly delicious. Take a hammer to some sausage meat, fry it, then get back to us.

    3. And FFS, where are all the tattie scones?

    Instagram: @mangogreene

    Americans, you can keep your pancakes and hash browns. We've got tattie scones, which are basically a sublime cross between the two.

    4. Why do you pretend you can't understand us?

    5. Yet you simultaneously think we have the sexiest accent. How does that work?

    ITV / Via imgur.com

    Us: "Goat ae time oan ye, pal?"

    You: "I have no idea what you just said but take me now."

    6. Why do you have so many different names for the slice on the end of a loaf, and why are they all wrong?

    Instagram: @erinviversfergusonmusic

    Let's settle this once and for all. It's not the crust, heel, or end slice. It's the outsider.

    7. Why are other cities' subway systems so bloody complicated?

    8. Why don't you take full advantage of "taps aff" weather?

    9. And why does everyone flee at the first sign of rain?

    10. Why do people in other cities take themselves so seriously?

    Giphy / Channel 4

    We're witty, we're aware of our flaws, and we're absolutely great at taking the piss out of ourselves, unlike *cough* Londoners.

    11. Why are you so bad at flirting?

    12. How can so many of you go out and enjoy yourself without getting totes steamboats?

    13. Why is everyone else in the world so rubbish at gigs?

    14. Why are non-Glaswegians so shite at swearing?

    Giphy / THINKfilm

    Come on tae fuck, guys. Why not throw in the odd "bawjaws" or "fanny features" every once in a while?

    15. While we're on the subject: Why don't you use insults as terms of endearment?

    16. And why are your comebacks rotten too?

    Instagram: @xlittlebug

    Look, all you need to say to instantly win any argument is a simple "yer maw".

    17. Why do you think Edinburgh is better?

    18. What's with the unprecedented lack of Irn-Bru?

    19. And why isn't the mighty Munchy Box available worldwide?

    Instagram: @starryyxeyed

    They may drastically diminish your lifespan but you really haven't lived until you've had one of these bad boys after a night out on the randan.

    20. Why don't people in other cities decorate their historical statues with traffic cones?

    21. And, most importantly, why would you want to live anywhere else but here?