5. Reality: After having a twenty minute tantrum because there were no chocolate chips and dropping her effing chocolate cone in my Kate Spade bag, my devil child finally passed out. Legit the days I wish I used a condom.
7. Reality: Had a huge fight with my boyfriend and we broke up because he is a selfish prick who calls me fat and makes me cry. Then he bought me flowers cuz he was sorry. Which I threw out. After instagramming them, obvs.