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So you woke up one morning feeling fat and lazy and thought, this is the year everything changes.
I should do something meaningful and impressive with my life.
...something that people will cheer for.
Like a marathon! You've been for a few jogs that weren't so bad.
Your friends seemed a little skeptical but that just made you more determined.
But you didn't know then what you know now. Like the fact that you have to actually train?
And it's a lot of training. Like, hours of your life. Spent Running.
Just running.
Good, old fashioned running. With no destination or purpose.
During your long runs, you start to day dream about what you could be doing with your time. You probably could have learned to code... or gone to law school.... or learned Mandarin.
You start to realize just how much time you are wasting. 35 miles a week x 16 weeks x 10 minutes per mile = 5,600 minutes of your life gone. JUST GONE.
But at least you're getting in shape. That's why you got into this in the first place!
Except that you are ravenous all the time so you're not actually getting in shape.
You're like really, ridiculously hungry. And you start to wonder why people aren't down for bloomin' onions on the reg.
Your runner friends told you you would get a runner's high from all the endorphins!
But all you can think is, when can I actually get high?
You're supposed to stay in on the weekend and prepare for your big runs which seems reasonable enough.
But FOMO has always been your greatest weakness
So you go out and deal with the consequences the next day.
Your whole body is in excruciating pain pretty much 100% of the time
You start to realize this probably isn't even that good for you.
So you do some research only to find out that the first person to ever run a marathon died shortly thereafter. Yeah, DIED.
And it's then that you realize you should NEVER have agreed to do this
It was a really terrible idea.
But you can't back out now because you're not a quitter, goddamnit! And also you told everyone you were doing it.
So you suck it up. You dust yourself off and you listen to your marathon playlist for the 156th time. And you pretend like everything isn't awful.
Because after all, it just takes a few hundred hours of training and some body glide and you'll be a marathoner in no time.
And most importantly, you will have bragging rights for life.
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