The first part of Lance Armstrong’s confessional with Oprah Winfrey will air tonight on the Oprah Winfrey Network at 9 p.m. ET. Since it’s already been confirmed that Lance will admit to doping during his cycling career, here’s the official Lance Armstrong Confession Drinking Game to help spice up the evening.
1. Take a shot for every time Oprah is confused by science. (Did the Livestrong bracelet protect you from cancer? Did doping give you cancer? Did Sheryl Crow sing your way to remission?)
2. Whenever Armstrong’s former team manager Johan Bruyneel is mentioned, chug a Belgian beer for three seconds.
3. Pour out a little Hennessy if Sheryl Crow is mentioned.
4. Finish half a Michelob Ultra every time Lance mentions a “cross-examination.”
5. Strip off an article of clothing whenever the phrase “stripped of Tour de France titles” is used.
6. Take five shots of hard liquor if Oprah is wearing a Livestrong bracelet.
7. Take one swig of an IPA for every mention of EPO.
8. If Lance cries, use a syringe to inject yourself with wine.
At this point you might want to consider an electrolyte transfusion, which Lance may or may not describe how to do during the interview.
9. Sip a bloody mary for every mention of “red blood cells.”
10. If Oprah gives something away, finish the rest of the alcohol in your residence and immediately check yourself into a hospital.
For those readers under 21, try Lance Armstrong Bingo instead. If Manti Te’o decides to do a prime-time interview with Ellen DeGeneres, be sure to check back for a new official drinking game.
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