Some Dude Threw His Skiing Child Down A Slope While Yelling “Pizza” At Him

Sometimes, skiing is fun. Sometimes, it’s the scariest thing ever. Sometimes, it’s like this.

I remember when I first tried to snowboard as a child down a hillside near my home. I made it about 10 feet, crashed to the ground, got snow inside my gloves and gave up. The whole thing sucked, but that was kind of the point: I learned that snowboarding might not be for me.

The folks at Hypervocal recently posted this video of “jackass dad” teaching his young child to ski, and it’s harrowing. A simple trip down what looks to be a bunny hill quickly escalates, and all of a sudden your child is hurtling down a mountain dodging other skiers and trying not to break every limb in his body.

A second-by-second recap doesn’t place the “jackass dad” in a good light.

:09 - With a slight nudge from a woman who is presumably his mother, the kid slowly crawls down the slope. The dad hollers “Yeah, you got it!” encouragingly.

:12 - The kid is picking up some speed, but handling things rather well. We can tell this isn’t the kid’s first voyage on skis. The dad, a total bro himself, yells “YEEEEEEEEEAH BROOOO!”

:17 - “PIZZZA!!!!” The dad, realizing that “Holy shit my kid is pulling away from me oh my god,” tells the child to point his skis together at the tips, forming the shape of a pizza. “Pizza” slows you down, whereas “French Fries,” holding your skis parallel, speeds you up. Eight seconds into his ride, it was long past Pizza time.

:23-:29 - If you listen very closely, you can hear the kid sqealing for dear life. He probably feels as if he’s going 200 miles per hour, and he barely misses a stationary skier by about two feet. Trees are coming into view. Pants are likely soiled. The father screams a bloodcurdling “PIZZZAAAAAAAAAA! DO A PIZZAAAAAA!”

:43 - Finally, the kid loses his composure and crumples to the earth, rolling a few times to a complete stop. The kid’s crying, but the father seems kind of ecstatic: “Aw bro! You gotta pizza!”

1:02 - The father reaches out for a high-five. “You’re good!” Meanwhile, the kid is hysterical.

Kid: “I’M NOT DOING IT AGAINNNNNNNNNNN!”

Father: “Dude, good job dude! Dude, you survived!”

Is that bad parenting? (We’re assuming this bro is the child’s father; for all we know, it’s his cousin/brother/guardian/friend/etc. In which case: is this bad guardianship?) I don’t think so. How the hell else do you learn to ski? Skiing is a dangerous hobby. If skiing was easy, we’d all live in cabins in Colorado and ski to work. Give it a week, and this kid will probably want to ski again.

5. Just remember, kids:

H/T to Hypervocal