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1. Because life can't go on without a yearly subscription to NFL Red Zone.
2. Kickstarter won't let me stage a campaign for my own pension fund.
3. You want me to invest in CDs? Um, why? I have all my music on my iPhone.
4. I needed to impulse-buy a $1400 racing bike because, you know, I'm going to train for that triathlon...eventually.
5. You mean with a 401(k), I'm supposed to contribute money from every paycheck?
6. Sure, if I invest shrewdly over several decades, I could be a millionaire in my 70s. But what if I become a millionaire by age 30? Ever think of that?
7. If I could sync my portfolio with Facebook/Twitter and blast out updates whenever I have a solid quarter, I'd be investing like mad.
8. If I can't dive headfirst into a pool of my coins, then I'm not interested in saving.
9. Yes, a Roth IRA is a smart option if I make less than $112,000/yr as a single person. I hope I don't cross that threshold at my unpaid internship.
10. I'm sure the government will have money to support me when I reach retirement...said no one ever.
11. 11. Three words: student loan debt.
12. I can send a tweet in 2.3 seconds. Why would I ever place my money in a portfolio and wait FOUR DECADES to spend it?
13. Modest monthly contributions to a range of diverse mutual funds? Yes, I'd love to. Just let me first work down $10,000 in credit card debt.
14. It's inevitable I'm going to make a lot of money and won't need a retirement fund. Just gotta find a job first.
15. True, I could put a few extra dollars each month into a savings account. I could also book a flight to Coachella.
16. 16. I swear I'll start saving tomorrow.
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