18 Tips And Tricks From The Bowie Beauty Bible

Have you torn your dress? Is your face a mess? Have no fear! When it comes to makeup, fashion, hair, and general demeanor, we must look to none other than David Bowie for pearls of wisdom to last all Spring 2014. Or an entire lifetime.

1. The most important rule of beauty is self-love.

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Take a moment to yourself!

2. Red Lips

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Whoever said red lips are a fall thing was terribly misinformed! Pair them with an emaciated psychedelic clown look. This is a great style because it can translate effortlessly from a day at the office to a night on the town.

3. Such a tease!

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You'll never have a dull moment if you take every available opportunity to tease your hair! This gesture can also be used in socially awkward moments in place of fake-texting. Hair fluffing is the new fake-texting.

4. Kittens

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Want to look chic, yet approachable? This spring, kittens are the must-have accessory! Only if they match your hair and bow-tie color, of course.

5. Width of a Circle

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Feeling a bit drab? Put all that underutilized space on your forehead to use by painting a geometric shape onto it! And then match your lip color to it! This way you can display your creativity and inner-beauty. On the outside.

6. Wild Eyed Boy

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If standard body modification isn't your thing, get a childhood friend to punch you directly in the eye, permanently dilating that pupil for the rest of your life to acquire a unique, roguish look.

7. Emphasis

Follow up previous step by layering heroic amounts of neon eyeshadow around those peepers. You know, eyes are windows to the soul. So take this opportunity to make your eyelids into beautiful, flamboyant curtains.

8. Satellite of Love

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This may look like an enormous, glittering chandelier earring, but it's actually an incredibly small satellite that Bowie uses to receive word from his home planet. Disguised as an enormous, glittering chandelier earring.

9. Be resourceful!

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Buy foundation too light for your skin-tone? Take it from Bowie, it happens to the best of us. But fret not! For a flirty yet casual look, apply it with your fingers to make a line down the center of your face. What is "makeup" anyway? Just what are you trying to make up?

10. Is it naughty or practical? IT'S NAUTICAL!

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Ascots and eyepatches, babe.

11. Face tatts!

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Nothing says "Rebel, Rebel" like a face tattoo! Particularly when they fall into the nautical theme as mentioned above.

12. Keep it classic.

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David Bowie isn't all glitz and glamor! For a more understated, natural look, keep your face bare. Except for a little eyeliner, nothing crazy. And a lot of blush. A looooot of blush. Blush doesn't really even count as makeup.

Cheekbones are very important.

13. Boozy Beauty

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As Mr. Stardust shows us here, never get ready to go outside without a bottle of wine or champagne to ease your nerves. Looking so good can be stressful and requires proper self-medication.

14. Leg Warmers: The Renaissance Man's Fashion Staple.

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Leg-warmers are key for these awkward in-between seasons. Like, do I wear my sexy little onesie or do I need to commit to pants? This way you get the best of both worlds! And if they fall down a bit, even better. Make an elaborate gesture out of it. Make every moment about you. And shoes? Who needs 'em!

15. Slick back your hair for a "come hither" look.

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Lovely as well as functional, this also makes you more aerodynamic.

16. Always be prepared.

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You just never know where life will take you. So when getting dressed, be sure to wear cute undies, no matter what your plans are! Even better if they match your hair.

17. And always remember...

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Attitude is the most important accessory.

18. And last but not least:

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You're never fully dressed without a smile!