26 Questions Job Applicants Have

Asked by extremely cute animals to cloak the despair of unemployment.

1. Why does an entry-level position need 3+ years of experience?

2. You need 5 professional references?

I graduated, like, yesterday.

3. You want a “funny anecdote” in the body of your email?

Sure! This one time, at band camp…

4. Why do you need my social security number and drivers license number?

It freaks me out a little.

5. New job listing that I qualify for? Where?

Oh it’s a “commission-based” position. Great.

6. Would I like to know about these awesome bennies? Sure!

Not getting my hopes up.

7. All I get is the auto-response email?

Okay. That’s fine.

8. Expected salary?

I don’t know, you tell me. Enough for me to eat?

9. Upload my resume AND complete your custom application?

It’s the same information, but alright.

10. Oohh you’re paying $0.50 more than minimum wage?

Cool! I’ll pay off my loans in 100 years or so.

11. Can I reapply for that position you relisted?

Even though you still didn’t respond to me.

12. Hi there, I applied for a position last week?

Just wanted to check in.

13. Could you please respond to my inquiries?

I’ll just wait.

14. Why is this so hard?

15. No new emails?

Okay.

16. What time is it?

I’ve been completing job applications for 4 hours now. Stimulating.

17. Is that an actual response??

Woo-hoo!!!

18. Am I available to talk at 10:30am tomorrow?

Hmmm… lemme see… HELL YES!

19. Complete this 14 page job application?

No problem.

20. Three stages of interviewing?

Sounds good to me.

21. Security clearance? Special certificates? Graduate degree?

I have a cat power on Buzzfeed. I’m kind of a big deal.

22. Am I going to be freaking late to this interview?

23. How much will I have to work with others?

I don’t like others.

24. Did I nail it?

25. So I should just wait for a call back, then?

Phone’s on, right?

26. Do I just need to start all over again?

*sigh*

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