2. You need 5 professional references?
I graduated, like, yesterday.
3. You want a “funny anecdote” in the body of your email?
Sure! This one time, at band camp…
4. Why do you need my social security number and drivers license number?
It freaks me out a little.
5. New job listing that I qualify for? Where?
Oh it’s a “commission-based” position. Great.
6. Would I like to know about these awesome bennies? Sure!
Not getting my hopes up.
8. Expected salary?
I don’t know, you tell me. Enough for me to eat?
9. Upload my resume AND complete your custom application?
It’s the same information, but alright.
10. Oohh you’re paying $0.50 more than minimum wage?
Cool! I’ll pay off my loans in 100 years or so.
11. Can I reapply for that position you relisted?
Even though you still didn’t respond to me.
12. Hi there, I applied for a position last week?
Just wanted to check in.
16. What time is it?
I’ve been completing job applications for 4 hours now. Stimulating.
18. Am I available to talk at 10:30am tomorrow?
Hmmm… lemme see… HELL YES!
21. Security clearance? Special certificates? Graduate degree?
I have a cat power on Buzzfeed. I’m kind of a big deal.
25. So I should just wait for a call back, then?
Phone’s on, right?