10 Signs You've Been A Respiratory Therapist Too Long

Here are a few handy ways to know if it might be time to hang up the stethoscope.

10. You catch youself listening to the breath sounds of people around you in checkout lines.

That lady at the back of the line...she doesn't sound so good, man.

9. You catch yourself checking radial pulses when you meet someone new.

Hi, my name's Allen...Allen Test.

8. You check out your date's neck and wonder what their Mallampati score is.

Hey, before the movie starts, can you stick out your tongue and say, "Ahh"? What do you mean, "that's pretty creepy for a first date"?

7. You've realized sputum has more culture than many of your patients.

Especially the ones who come into the trauma bay after saying, "Hey, watch this!"

6. You've seen more albuterol ordered "because it won't hurt" than for actual patient care.

Sleep apnea. Nausea. Sinus infection. Sore nipples. And let's not forget the closely-related "PALbuterol," ordered so nobody gets lonely.

5. You've started getting mail addressed to "Hey, Respiratory!"

At first it was upsetting, but now you just shrug your shoulders and think, "At least they're sending me something before there's an emergency."

4. Every time something beeps, you start looking for a ventilator to silence.

Kind of like this, but the reverse.

3. "Weekends" aren't just for Saturday and Sunday anymore.

And remember when "holiday" meant something more than "extra pay"?

2. You know more abbreviations than tweens texting each other.

You need an EKG and an ABG on the SOB w/COPD, CHF and CAD before we drop an ET and put them on APRV? OK. Wait, you want IPPB, too? GTFO.

1. MacGyver ain't got nothin' on you.

Just another diaper to hold some CPAP tubing in place on an infant in an emergency, just another day at the office.