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40 Things We Learned From “The X Files”

Agent Fox Mulder and Agent Dana Scully are in pursuit of the truth. After nine seasons, two films with a possible third one on the way, we learned quite a few things.

1. If it sounds like the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard, it’s probably the truth.

2. If you smoke, you’re in on it.

3. If you work with someone long enough, they’ll want your baby.

4. An FBI badge makes you better than everyone else.

5. No proof, no case.

Even when it’s slapping you in the face.

6. Never trust new team members.

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7. Never leave an important character in a hospital bed.

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They will be taken.

8. Important events happen when you pee.

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9. You should befriend children who are world-class chess players.

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10. Stay away from black oil.

11. If you’re emotionless, you’re one of them.

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12. Your dad never loved you.

13. A mole will help you but not really… but he will… but he wont…

14. Hear a sound? Pull a gun.

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15. It’s OK to look at porn at work.

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16. By the end of the series, Mulder and Scully know everything.

17. The government archives everything. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

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18. Religion + Science = Dana Scully

Catholic, scientist, doctor, federal agent and…

19. Scully is immortal.

Season 3, Episode 4: Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose. In what seemed like throwaway dialogue, Scully asks Clyde, a man who can see how people die in the future, what her own demise will look like.

Scully: “Ok. Tell me: How do I die?”
Clyde: “You don’t.”

This theory has been verified by series producer Frank Spotnitz.

20. Cockroaches are aliens. They will kill you.

21. Bees help aliens. They will kill you.

22. If you find a mysterious metallic implant in the back of your neck, DO NOT REMOVE IT!

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23. If your sister hasn’t returned from her alien abduction after two decades, she’s dead.

24. Do not leak any information to Mulder. It’ll end badly.

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25. If you have a thing for Scully, don’t. It’ll end badly.

26. Inconspicuous train cars are the most conspicuous.

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The Government runs experiments in train cars.

27. Never live in a gated community.

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Monsters live in them.

28. When you don’t know, touch it.

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29. If that doesn’t work, taste it.

30. Government controls the Oscars.

According to Cigarette Smoking Man but he could care less.

31. Government controls the Olympics.

According to Cigarette Smoking Man but he could care less.

32. Government controls the Super Bowl.

According to Cigarette Smoking Man. He could care less as long as the Bills don’t win. Not while he’s alive.

33. You can run in heels.

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34. When in doubt, leave it to a nerd.

In this case, three: The Lone Gunmen.

35. They are always watching… Always…

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36. Things go down at the FBI parking lot… A LOT.

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Car chases, explosions, murders, secret meetings, rundowns… But as we learn in Season 9, “the tape shows nothing.”

37. If your clock blinks 12:00, you should probably run.

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38. Native Americans know what’s up.

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They know all the Department of Defense’s dirty little secrets… They also know how to survive the alien invasion.

39. If you’re not trying to kill your boss, you’re not doing it right.

Poor Assistant Director Skinner.

40. The President is irrelevant in the major scheme of things.

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