1. When God didn't want Moses to see his face, so he made him talk to His butt.
2. When King Solomon solved a dispute by ordering a baby to be cut in half.
3. When God used magic to dislocate Jacob's hip in an all-night wrestling match.
4. When God slew Onan for practicing the pull-out method.
5. When Adam lived to the age of 930.
6. When some children teased Elisha for being bald, so he cursed them with a bear attack.
7. When God laid the smackdown on Egypt with not just one, but TEN horrible plagues.
8. When Balaam's donkey inexplicably started talking and explained why animal cruelty is wrong.
9. When God ordered Abraham to kill his son just to prove that he loved Him.
10. When Job, a perfectly solid and pious guy, lost everything because of a bet God made with Satan.
11. When David collected 200 Philistine foreskins and delivered them to King Saul in exchange for his daughter's hand in marriage.
12. When God became so disgusted with mankind that He flooded the Earth and started everything over again.
13. When Jesus resurrected Lazarus, a devout Christian who was probably enjoying eternal paradise before being brought back to life.
14. When the assassin Ehud plunged a dagger into the morbidly obese King Eglon, causing excrement to spill everywhere.
15. When Jesus got mad at a tree because he was hungry.
16. When we're told the end of the world will be like every single horror movie combined.
