1. Ryan Gosling will never seek you out at an old-timey fair.
2. He will never pick you out of a crowd and woo you in his darling little newsboy cap. And you would never, EVER reject him.
3. Ryan Gosling will never risk his delicate, beautiful life by hanging from a ferris wheel just to speak to you.
4. THIS WAS DANGEROUS…
… DANGEROUSLY ROMANTIC. And it will never happen to you. Also because of safety reasons.
5. A slightly dirty, rough-around-the-edges Ryan Gosling will never then confront you on the street and get upset with you for not loving him.
6. You would never turn him down after his constant efforts.
7. It’s just not reality.
8. You would also never let Ryan risk his hella sexy life by lying down in the middle of a road.
9. Instead of lying down with him, you would get his ass out of the middle of the goddamn road.
It’s infuriating that she would even let him entertain this idea. Absolutely infuriating.
10. To make things even worse, Ryan Gosling will never slow dance with you to no music at all.
11. This one hits you in the gut. Ryan Gosling will never lift you up in the air and make out with you.
12. He will never take you on a bicycle ride.
13. You will never feed him ice cream.
14. And you will never be his napkin.
WHAT I WOULD DO TO BE HIS NAPKIN. YOU DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW.
15. Ryan Gosling will never introduce you to his parents.
Yes, meeting parents can really suck…but this is Ryan Gosling we’re talking about. His dad was so cool and chill.
16. And your parents would never, EVER reject Ryan Gosling.
IT’S RYAN GOSLING WE’RE TALKING ABOUT.