The Purity Bear Will Stop You From Having Sex Before Marriage
This is not a parody.
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- lisas27 thinks The Purity Bear Will Stop You From Ha... is LOL
- martinm thinks The Purity Bear Will Stop You From Ha... is Fail & WTF
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skylerb a year agoBased on the bear’s voice and utilization of “cuddly” language, this video supports homoerotic, stuffed-beastiality as a viable substitute to premarital sex. By comparing himself with the girl, he suggests himself as a partner so that the man will wait and marry the woman.
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sage a year agoThis is what actually happened: Girl: ” I had a really good time tonight.”
Boy: “yeah, me too.”
Girl: “I really like you a lot. You know, you are not like the other guys” Boy begins to think, “fuck this bitch is trying to put me in the friend zone after I just spent my $50 weekly allowance on her funky ass.” Boy: “*mumbles some nonsense*, you look so pretty tonight.” Girl moves her hand. Boy begins hopes it is a signal that the girl is going to give him a hand job to help alleviate the throbbing pain in his loins brought on by blue-balls. Girl: “you know my parents aren’t home right now if you want to come inside for a little bit?” Fucking bear shows up on some cock blocking bullshit, as if you spent your adolescent years taking advice from a toy you got for you fifth birthday from the Build-A-Bear Workshop. Fuck off bear. Boy: “sure, lets go inside and play hide and seek. I have something that I want you to seek, so I can make you hide it.” Girl giggles while she hurries to open the door and playfully pulls boy inside of parents’ soon to be foreclosed upon house. Boy begins to thing to himself, “this bitch made me spend all of my allowance money taking her to the movies and buying her popcorn. When she could have easily cut to the chase and invited me over as soon as her parents left. Well two can play this game, I am going to get my $50 worth out of her greedy popcorn eating ass.”
Boy is now inside having sex with girl, while Bear looks on through the window (a tear flowing from his eye.)
Boy emerges from house 5 minutes later with a Cheshire Cat’s grin on his face, while girl stands at door thinking, “damn, all that for 5 minutes. Premature ejaculation is a bitch.” THE END
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silverhellion a year ago
Obviously he’s not the only guy she’s ever invited inside. And also, am I the only one who feels like they’ve watched all of the Twilight series in one minute?
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NobodyLikesMilhouse a year agosooooooooo a weird, emotionless shotgun wedding in front of a cardboard cross feels “right”?
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