1. Hi world. I would like to tell you about a truly scary and intense reality.
2. It doesn’t involve dinosaurs chewing on human heads but it’s equally scary and getting eaten by a dinosaur may even actually be preferred.
3. Ladies and gentleman…
4. … brace your damn self.
5. People are shitting bottles.
6. It’s, to quote someone who had it happen to them, “absolutely fukd.”
7. I know you’re asking, “where could this possibly happen?!”
8. Well, I am here to tell you.
9. It happened while this person was at work.
10. It happened at her Sweet 16.
11. It happened while they were watching a wedding.
12. And this man pooped 10 bottles!!!!
14. It’s straight up mortifying.
15. So basically, let’s use this as an opportunity to feel better about ourselves.
17. Your landlord doesn’t monitor your instagram for your pooped bottles.
18. You don’t poop bottles with your friend named Charli.
19. Stay blessed and bottle-free.
20. I don’t even know.
Deputy Editorial Director, Devout Member of the Church of Godney
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