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Very Important: How You Can Prepare For The Global Wine Shortage

PLEASE READ.

1. WARNING. WARNING. WARNING. ALERT. YELLOW FLAG. DING DONG. WAKE THE FUCK UP, PEOPLE. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

2. Shit just got real.

3. THERE IS A GLOBAL WINE SHORTAGE.

4. Ha ha ha!!!!! You’re laughing now with your big glass of red wine on the couch having a girls night. But you just wait…

5. … THIS COULD BE YOU.

6. In the past year, wine production has decreased 5% globally. This is the lowest level since the 1960s.

7. The wine industry just can’t keep up with the demand.

8. DID YOU HEAR THAT, DOG?!?!

10. SOME PRECAUTIONS WE SHOULD TAKE:

11. No wine should be wasted.

None at all. You spill. You lick that shit up.

12. Even that little bit under the rim of your glass. LICK. IT. UP.

13. THIS IS NOT FUNNY ANYMORE, UNCLE JOE.

14. Wine is wine. Wine is medicine. Wine is good. You can’t be picky.

15. Beware of other people around you. People can get irrational and violent without their medicine (wine).

16. Take pictures. You’ll want to remember it when it’s gone.

17. If wine is spilled on a shirt, then you have to squeegee it up with your tongue. No excuses.

18. If someone drops a bottle on the ground, then that person should be punished.

19. Example for penalty of one bottle wasted: banishment.

20. Example for penalty of this many bottles wasted: death.

21. In conclusion, let us all be thankful for the fun times we had with wine. Thank you, wine. You were good to me and all.

22. *Love you always*

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