1. Like a good bottle of wine, Ryan came into the world raw and unready. With not a clue, he wore strange jean jackets. You would still drink him, but it just wouldn’t be right.
2. He dyed his hair black. I’m sure it tasted funny.
3. He was totally tasty. Just not delicious… yet.
4. Look at his floppy velvet suit! And his gelled black hair! It’s cute. I’m thirsting. But not totally parched.
5. Then he went sour. Like really sour. Yikes.
6. It was his awkward phase.
7. He was aging. Flavors were molding together.
8. Lost. Gone. Just searching for an identity.
9. Also pale.
10. Then he went through a redneck phase. I don’t even know.
11. There were beanies and unnecessarily loose ties.
12. It was a long process…
13. …but eventually he started to come around. Even when he looked like an egg.
14. Time did its work. The flavors enriched. It was like he was a totally different bottle of wine.
15. Ryan became delicious.
16. Rich. Perfect. Let me drink you.
17. It’s funny what age does to wine and Ryan Gosling!
18. Now I’m thirsty.
19. Really fucking thirsty.
20. I need wine.
21. No. Not that boxed shit.
I LOVE WINE. BYE.