Yesterday, we asked the great and all-knowing Twitter community who should realistically be the first three Mighty Ducks players chosen in the event of a shootout situation. Because let’s be honest, Ducks games ALMOST always came down to heart-stopping shootouts. So this shit is immensely important.
Which of these rag-tag ice hockey warriors (forgive the Eden Hall reference) do you want standing on center ice with the game on the line?
Yes, we know D2: The Mighty Ducks actually ended in a shootout, and yes, we know the chosen order was Jesse Hall (goal), Guy Germaine (goal), Dwayne Robertson (miss), Fulton Reed (goal) and Adam Banks (goal). But that was a silly fictional movie. This is REAL LIFE.
So let’s begin, shall we?
8. Shooter No. 1: Adam Banks
Pros: Best player to ever suit up for the Ducks. Incredible natural goal scorer. Varsity talent as a freshman.
Cons: Part of him will probably always be a Hawk. Injury prone. Uncertain if he even enjoys cake.
Conclusion: Best scorer goes first. End of story.
9. Shooter No. 2: Charlie Conway
Pros: The heart and soul of the Ducks. Called the “real Minnesota miracle man” by Bombay himself. Triple-deke. Captain.
Cons: Was once called Spaz-way. Attitude problem. Coach banged his mom.
Conclusion: Charlie developed into a two-way hockey player and a great goal scorer by his freshman year in high school. You want Captain Duck out there.
As obvious as the choices seemed to us, not everyone agreed with our first two shooters.
But the real debate begins after Cake-Eater and Captain Duck take their chances. Who goes next? Here are the Twitterverse’s candidates:
13. Greg Goldberg: One Twitter vote
Pros: Keeps up team morale with a self-deprecating sense of humor. Switched to defense to fill a team need.
Cons: Always out of shape. Tried to sabotage teammate to regain starting goalie spot. Neither morale nor defense is important in a shootout. Is from Philadelphia.
15. Jesse Hall: One Twitter vote
Pros: One of the few proven goal scorers on the team. Good friends with Charlie. True Duck.
Cons: Attitude. Over-involved parent. What happened to his brother?
17. Kenny Wu: One Twitter vote
Pros: Olympic figure skater. Quick on his feet.
Cons: Too small. No definable skills other than skating. Not a hockey player.
19. Connie Moreau: Two Twitter votes
Pros: Element of surprise. Toughness. O.G. Duck.
Cons: Pays too much attention to Guy — mental focus is important in a shootout.
22. Guy Germaine: Two Twitter votes
Pros: Talented. Underrated. Cool under pressure. Great hair.
Cons: Soft. Pays too much attention to Connie. Sometimes he’s too cool, and should pay more attention to detail.
25. Luis Mendoza: Two Twitter votes
Pros: He can really fly.
Cons: Stopping. Has a serious weakness for cheerleaders. If he shifted his focus from skirts to skates he’d be a more viable candidate.
Two Mighty Ducks greats tied for the most votes. Here are the chosen ones:
29. Fulton Reed: Three Twitter votes
Pros: Toughest guy in the history of Minnesota pee-wee hockey. Nearly unstoppable slap-shot that burns through nets and knocks goalies out cold.
Cons: Hits the net once in every five chances. Terrible skater.
33. Russ Tyler: Three Twitter votes
Cons: It’s hard to be accurate with the knucklepuck. Lackluster skater.