30 Reasons You Should Drink The Tom Brady Haterade

Seriously, there’s plenty to go around.

1. These ads for Stetson cologne.

Stetson

2. His weird affinity for velvet jackets.

Allen Kee / Getty

3. Just look at him dance!

4. Because he STILL can’t get over slipping to the sixth round.

Dude, you’ve won three Super Bowls! Stop crying about the stupid draft! I’m pretty sure it worked out for you.

5. When he looked like this…

Fox / Via towleroad.com

Former 49ers coach Steve Mariucci called him “gangly” and said he “looked like he had never seen a weight room.”

6. And ran like this…

This might be the clumsiest shuttle run I’ve ever seen.

7. This is his wife…

Calzedonia

8. Her name is Gisele. You might have heard of her.

9. She makes even more money than him.

Talk about a literal embarrassment of riches.

10. And bitches about his teammates.

11. They go to fancy parties…

Jamie McCarthy / Getty

Larry Busacca / Getty

Stephen Lovekin / Getty

 

12. Where I assume they drink champagne and eat shrimp.

Stephen Lovekin / Getty

Dimitrios Kambouris / Getty

Andrew H. Walker / Getty

 

13. This is one of their houses… it has a moat.

Roger Davies / Architectural Digest

Roger Davies / Architectural Digest

 

14. Because he’s corny.

15. He celebrates 10-yard runs like an asshole…

16. He’s frequently the coverboy for obnoxious men’s magazines.

Vman

 

17. He wears a Tom Brady hat ALL THE TIME, and that’s pretty obnoxious too.

BJJ/FAMEFLYNET

Fame Pictures

 

18. Because his work out clothes are just plain silly.

WG

Fame Pictures

Fame Pictures

 

19. Because he once went to Kevin Federline’s listening party.

Flynet Pictures, Inc.

Flynet Pictures, Inc.

 

20. Because he made a cameo on Entourage.

21. Because he checked out this girl’s butt.

22. This hat and facial expression.

Patriot Pics/FAMEFLYNET

23. Because his hair once looked like this…

Rick Stewart / Getty

24. And like this.

Reis/Fame Pictures

Reis/Fame Pictures

 

25. Because he’s friends with David Beckham and that’s just too much handsome for one friendship.

Fame Pictures

26. He’s a spokesman for Ugg! Ugg for Christ’s sake!

27. Because according to Forbes he has a 6.4 handicap.

Donald Miralle / Getty

Donald Miralle / Getty

 

28. Because unless you’re a Giants fan he’s probably made your life a living hell.

Jim Rogash / Getty

29. Because the handsome bastard makes it look too easy.

Rick Stewart / Getty

30. Because this is me in real life — every Sunday.

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