Nickelodeon’s Awkward Athletes: Doug Vs. Arnold

Who wins the epic battle of pubescent Caucasian cartoons? posted on

1. Basketball

Forget the fact that Arnold is only allowed to pass to the coach’s son — he shows no enthusiasm on the bench. Doug drains an underhand free throw for the win. Plus, check out his fly footwear!
ADVANTAGE: Doug

2. Diving

Here we have Doug showcasing his trademarked awkwardness with a bland and unmemorable pencil dive, while Arnold explodes off the diving board with an effortless backflip.
ADVANTAGE: Arnold

3. Baseball

Doug isn’t very good at sports, but he’s particularly bad at baseball. Arnold is a city kid. He plays street ball. No helmet. Case closed.
ADVANTAGE: Arnold

4. Bowling

Neither seem concerned about actually bowling. They’re simply chatting up the ladies.
ADVANTAGE: Tie

5. Boxing/Street Fighting

Arnold pleads insanity to escape an after-school beat down. Doug wins by default.
ADVANTAGE: Doug

6. Fishing

They both catch and release legendary mythical fish. However, Doug imagined his to be a lot bigger than it really was (typical), while Arnold and Gerald caught the real deal.
ADVANTAGE: Arnold

7. Horse Racing

A picture says a thousand words, and in this case it says five: Doug looks like a bitch.
ADVANTAGE: Arnold

8. Golf by Association

Neither of our heroes plays golf — however, Arnold’s grandpa just gives it a try, while Porkchop is probably a 4 handicap.
ADAVANTAGE: Doug

9. Football

In the battle of “The Toe” vs. “Kid Who Kicked the Football on the Stoop Kid’s Stoop,” the shorter nickname always wins.
ADVANTAGE: Doug

10. Surfing

One is surfing on what looks like a poorly made kitchen table. The other makes it look so damn effortless.
ADVANTAGE: Arnold

11. Winner: Arnold

His untucked shirt may look like a skirt, and his weird hair makes it hard to take him seriously, but make no mistake about it: Arnold’s a baller. (In the sports sense, not the rapper sense.)

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