1. Memories are more important than possessions.
Picture it. Thanksgiving after the ambiguous Tanner mother’s passing. All sweet D.J. wants is to make Mom’s Picture Perfect Pumpkin Pie. It’s a Murphy’s Law Thanksgiving but at least we’ve still got the pie. False. Thanks to Stephanie Butterfingers Tanner, Mom’s P.P.P.Pie is now on the floor. (I could make an argument for eating the pie off of Danny Tanner’s spotless floors, but I digress.) D.J. learned an important lesson that baking and enjoying the perfect pie is not going to bring her mother back, and dropping it certainly didn’t soil her memory. Memories are forever and we all know pies are temporary.
2. Life isn’t always fair.
This may sound like a conditioned response from your parents when you were whining, but D.J. taught us a much deeper lesson in fairness. She had to share her room with her younger sister, her dad’s childhood friend just moved in below the stairs, and she really misses her mom. That’s just all the unfairness in one episode! So complain that you can’t have another fruit roll up, but just remember life can be a lot more unfair.
3. Sometimes your siblings will steal your thunder.
If it’s not Stephanie stealing your Oat Boats commercial, it’s Michelle being the cutest baby that ever babied. Seriously though, D.J. had it tough when it came to her sisters stealing her thunder and monopolizing everyone’s attention. For Pete’s sake, it took them how long to figure out she moved to the garage?! D.J.’s trials and tribulations taught us that forgiveness is important, even if your sisters get what you want without even trying.
4. Don’t cut school.
You’re going to get caught. You’re not Ferris Bueller, Deej. Meeting Stacey Q was pretty rad, but everyone knows that when they skip school, they’re going to get caught. Most people get caught the normal way, with the school calling your parents. Not many people get caught by their wandering baby sister being haphazardly watched by a good-intentioned Joey Gladstone.
5. You’ll grow out of that awkward stage.
At some point, we all have felt ugly, undesirable, and completely lost navigating those awkward teenage years. But we figured boys out (mostly), grew out the teased bangs, and discovered makeup that’s not from the drugstore. The days of feeling like an ugly
Duckface duckling may have seemed like forever in the throes of them, but they are now distant memory.
6. Don’t keep secrets.
We all know how a juicy secret can eat you up inside. You’ll eventually be careless with your, “We’re gonna get a horse,” chant and be forced to let your sister name the tail. Kimmy Gibbler will ultimately bail on you and you’ll end up with a horse in your living room and on Dan Tan’s bad side. Keeping secrets is not a good idea.
7. You have to work for what you want.
Whether you have to babysit a nerdbomber kid and unstick his head from the railing with butter, work as a creepy Raggedy Ann clown at a photography studio, or wait tables at the Smash Club wearing a weird beret, nothing in life comes easy. You better work.
8. Some decisions are impossible to make.
Which family member should D.J. take to the Beach Boys concert? She obviously can’t take either of her sisters because who would drive? She could take her Uncle Jesse who happens to be a Beach Boys fangirl, but then would Danny feel slighted? Sorry Joey, you never had a chance. We saw D.J.’s mental anguish as she almost gave up her coveted radio-won tickets in lieu of making a decision. Good thing The Beach Boys always make house calls to invite entire families to sing on stage with them as a solution. Dodged a bullet there, Deej.
9. Girls can be mean.
We’ve all had that friend that decided we were not “popular” enough for their liking. In this case, Deej was a real double geekburger with cheese and was dumped by her BFF Kimmy Gibbler. Kimmy decides she would rather go with the cool girls who don’t realize her name isn’t Kammy, and she leaves her own birthday party. Obviously Kimmy and D.J. make up and are BFFs again, but D.J. had to learn that hard way that girls can be mean, even the ones that mean the most to you.
10. You’re not always going to make the wisest fashion choices.
When you look back on those #tbt pictures, remember it may not be as bad as showing up on the first day of school in the same outfit as your teacher. As embarrassed as you may be, we’ve all made less than desirable fashion choices. At least you didn’t have to eat lunch by yourself in a phone booth.
11. Nicknames stick, and they’re not always fun.
The demure Donna Jo usually goes by her initials, but being everyone’s favorite D.J. isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Yes, it’s no Step-on-me, but it does come with it’s own set of jokes. Most people can relate to their parents’ good intentions turning into schoolyard taunting, but even if someone as cool as D.J. can get over it, you can too.
12. Do the right thing.
Just remember, timing is everything. Although we’d like to think that Uncle Jesse would know D.J.’s, “I’m imitating this beer drinking loser,” voice, this was just an unfortunate situation. D.J. taught us all that doing the right thing may not turn out the way you want it to at first, but eventually the truth will come to light and your accusatory Uncle J will apologize.
13. Don’t pressure yourself to conform to unrealistic beauty standards.
This is D.J.’s Jessie Spano moment in the series. Trying so hard to lose weight, D.J. stops eating and turns to overworking herself at the gym. After her fainting spell, she comes to realize that this isn’t the way to feel good about herself. I think we could all relate, especially with all the spandex and oversized sweatshirts running rampant through our adolescent wardrobes. D.J. taught us to find a happy medium and we rarely saw her exercise again. That’s my kind of medium.
14. You should always work together to solve a problem.
Even if that problem was caused by your sister copying everything you do and annoying the crap out of you. We would have never had the finest rendition of, “Dad, Dad, he’s our dad,” if the Tanner sisters (including the lookout, Michelle) hadn’t realized that three heads are better than one. We all learned an important lesson in working together to hide things from our parents.
15. It’s always good to volunteer.
But make sure that you don’t get tricked into helping your new friend with Alzheimer’s fly the coup. We all learned valuable lessons about getting older and nursing home protocol.
16. Karma is a bitch.
We’ve all learned that making fun of people isn’t nice and comes back to us in some way, shape, or form. Bullying the nerds in the car next to you and trying to execute a Chinese fire drill is not going to have a conclusion in your favor. Seriously, D.J., you’re better than that. Not only did those ‘nerds’ laugh at you, but you had a lot of time to think about your actions on your long walk home, didn’t ya?
17. Everyone gets embarrassed by their parents.
We’ve all been embarrassed by awkward dad jokes, parents spilling TMI about themselves or about us to other people, etc. Endless. When you’re a teenager, the last thing you want to do is go to a restaurant that makes you walk the plank if you don’t finish your dinner. There is obviously going to be hot guy there that you want to look cool in front of. It’s a rule of the universe that if you’re in an embarrassing situation, there is a hot guy less than a few yards away. What we all come to realize is that our parents love us and show it by dragging us to awful places all in the name of Tanner Family Fun.
18. Privacy is something to be cherished.
Anyone whose parents were all up in their IMs and making sure they didn’t buy the explicit CDs at Sam Goody can relate to cherishing the time they were finally awarded with privacy. In such a…Full House…it was hard for the eldest Tanner girl to get some alone time with Steve. Out of options? Make out in a cement truck. Nothing bad will happen.
19. Don’t put your boyfriend before your friends.
You probably remember learning the important lesson of sisters before misters. Boys come and go, but you only get one Kimmy Gibbler. Let’s recall the time that D.J. was so enthralled by a night out with Steve that she completely forgot about Kimmy’s 16th birthday. Seriously, Deej? You have one friend. You dropped that slut, Kathy Santoni, well before she got pregnant. #sorrynotsorry Because D.J. put Steve first, she had to try and scramble to put together a party and almost had Kimmy fooled. Nice try, Sugarlips.
20. Breakups don’t have to be horrible.
D.J. made a smart move and broke it off with Steve in order to find out who she was without him. She really could have decided on a better location if she wasn’t sure how Steve was going to react. Seriously, D.J.? Hiking on a CLIFF? Could have been bad. Anyway, D.J. taught us that not every breakup needs to be a knock-down, drag-out fight, and Steve taught us that if you love something, let it go and hug it out.
21. What’s mean to be is meant to be.
So you didn’t get into Stanford. At least you didn’t oversleep for the SAT and have to go to clown college. Everything works out for the best and everything happens for a reason. You could’ve gone to Stanford, met someone who wasn’t the voice of Aladdin, and lead a very different life.
22. You have to kiss a few frogs.
After breaking it off with Steve, D.J. dated around a little bit. There was Viper, the polka prince turned Hot Daddy and the Monkey Puppets rocker. He was clearly a badass but he was not the brightest. Then we had Nelson, whose money could help us overlook the fact that he had a weird mullet and was on every other TGIF show. Ultimately, we all could relate to Deej’s relationship woes while trying to find Mr. Right.
24. There is nothing quite like a sisterly bond.
Sisters are the best. This is fact. D.J. is lucky enough to have two sisters that are equally awesome. Whether she’s helping Stephanie realize that driving in cars with boys around dangerous curves is stupid or she is helping Michelle learn how to read—to frickin’ READ people—she is always there for them. Tanner sisters are the best sisters. I bet they have a secret Tanner sisters handshake.