1.
Being less-than-thrilled that your dream holiday requires a flight.
2.
Feeling physically ill at the thought of hurtling through space in a tube.
3.
Spending too long choosing your seat because you're researching the safest spot on the plane.
4.
Having a meltdown when you can't find your good compression socks.
5.
Knowing your carry on bag is going to look like a pharmacy of placebos but you wouldn't have it any other way.
6.
Having no time for people who say "flying is the safest form of travel".
7.
Falling into the trap of checking the safety record of the airline you're flying.
8.
Literally not being able to look at people who tell you they sleep through most of their flights.
9.
Spending the entire ride to the airport with no chill.
10.
Judging everyone who runs to line up when they do the first boarding call.
11.
Checking to see if any nuns or babies are on board.
12.
Reading the safety card religiously even if you're a little skeptical of its advice.
13.
But giving the flight attendants your undivided attention during the safety drill.
14.
Thinking, "oh great, as well as a plane crash, now I've got Ebola" when the person next to you sneezes.
15.
Throwing the biggest stink eye when the same person uses their phone and you KNOW it's not on flight mode.
16.
Memorising all the plane noises and then freaking the fuck out when you hear a new one.
17.
Dealing with being the Mayor of Sweatsville no matter what the temperature is on board.
18.
Trying and failing to distract yourself throughout the flight.
19.
Knowing it's not good to booze while flying but doing it anyway.
20.
Getting in and out of your seat because you're worried about deep vein thrombosis.
21.
Dozing off for a second, waking from a bad dream and then assuming you're having a Final Destination moment.
22.
Staring at all the flight attendants' facial expressions through every. Single. Bump.
23.
Having a panic attack when there's the tiniest deviation from smooth sailing.
24.
Taking it to the next level when the seatbelt sign "dings".
25.
And assuming the pilot saying, "it's going to be a little rough" will be the last words you ever hear.
26.
Falling into a panic spiral when the plane begins to descend.
27.
Hearing the sound of the wheels grinding and knowing that landing is imminent.
28.
Being unsure that the tiny wheels will hold on when the plane and the ground eventually touch.
29.
And then finally landing and promising yourself you'll never fly again...
