Definition: A godsend when it comes to feeding babies and helping them nap. Also, an airplane pillow used by giants.
Definition: The first snack food kids eat like crack.
Definition: Shoes with wheels on the soles, aka how today’s kids fall on their faces.
Definition: An insanely expensive stroller that makes you wonder what the heck is wrong with your regular priced one.
Definition: The goop that’s on babies when they’re born.
Definition: A unitard with snaps guaranteed to drive parents nuts that babies wear basically every day of their lives.
Definition: When babies cry inconsolably for long periods of time, and their parents seriously need Calgon to take them away.
Definition: A magical kingdom home to Sophia the First that your kid insists on visiting via your TV every freaking day.
9. “Speckled rhombus”
Definition: One of the many types of rainbow loom bracelets that your kids WON’T. STOP. MAKING.
Definition: A sleep training method that often leaves parents teary eyed and traumatized.
Definition: The nastiest thing that will ever come out of your baby, and that’s saying something.
Definition: A style of education you don’t exactly understand but have heard works wonders.
Definition: A bizarre gaming craze your kids would have you spend all of your disposable income on if they could.
14. “Nose Frida”
Definition: A gag-inducing yet impressively effective way to clear up your baby’s congestion.
Definition: The first “milk” a mother makes which is both incredibly good for a baby and sort of weird compared to the milk that comes later.
Definition: An unspillable cup that you secretly wish you could use too.
Definition: How you carry your kid around (and not just after you wake up in a hotel room with a tiger in the bathroom).
Definition: The language spoken by your kid’s Furby, that is, until you take out the batteries.
A previous version misspelled “meconium” and “vernix.”