1. Reading an entire A–Z baby name book and not finding a single name you like.
NOT ONE NAME!
2. Spending hours online researching the most popular baby names of every year all the way back until the 1880s.
Although, can you trust a year when one of the most popular names was Elmer?
3. Somehow ending up on an Albanian baby names website and refusing to click off before you consider every name because YOU NEVER KNOW!
Blerta? Egzona? Fatlinda? Wait! What about Xhevahire?
4. Reaching a new level of desperation when you unironically turn here for ideas.
It would be bad to name your kid Katniss, right? I’m asking for a friend.
6. Trying to hide your annoyance when he dismisses it because a kid by that name beat him up 25 years ago.
This freakin’ kid.
7. Knowing deep down you can’t get too annoyed because you’ve already vetoed the name of everyone you ever went on a date with.
Not to mention the names of every girl you didn’t like in school, every actor who’s appeared in a Michael Bay movie, all of One Direction…
8. Trying to find a baby name in Us Weekly but quickly realizing celebrities aren’t that much like us after all.
Pilot Inspektor, Buddy Bear, Apple? It’s a good thing celebrities have enough money to pay for their kid’s future therapy.
9. Dealing with your partner’s moodiness after you tell him the name he likes “might be good for a middle name.”
10. Your grandma calling to say she’s knitting a blanket to bring the baby home in and needs to stitch the name into it.
This leads to a daily breakdown where you scream, “THE BLANKET! WE HAVE TO FIND A NAME FOR THE BLANKET!”
11. Finding another name you like, and then realizing you can’t use it because it’s the name your best friend has always wanted to name a kid.
Stupid friend code.
12. Making the mistake of telling people you’re having trouble and being forced to listen to endless suggestions…
13. Like the ones from your mom.
“Have you considered naming the baby after your great Uncle Rudolfo? He was a doctor, you know.”
14. Every single one of your friends.
“What if you just made up a name? Like Stooba or something? Actually I think Stooba sounds pretty cool!”
15. And even the old guy you met at the DMV who thinks “Fred” is a strong name.
EVERYBODY HAS SUGGESTIONS!
16. Discovering a name that both you and your partner love, and then having someone point out that you absolutely can’t pair it with your last name.
“You can’t name your kid ‘Harrison,’ dude.” “Why not?” “Your last name is Cox.”
17. Downloading a baby-names app to your phone and spending more time on it than Candy Crush.
“Why are names so ugly? WHY!?”
18. Kind of, sort of falling in love with a name until you look up its meaning in Latin and are like, What?
Portia means “swine.” Julia means “bearded youth.” What the what?
19. Having a ridiculous argument with your partner over “who isn’t trying hard enough” to think of a name.
20. Re-reading the A–Z baby name book and feeling irrationally angry at every name.
And what is the deal with the names in these books anyway? Cowboy, Poodle, Wood, Zoom? Who do they think they’re kidding with that crap?
21. Still not having a name in your ninth month and being able to practically feel the judgment.
“I know, mom. I KNOW!”