1. Getting super giddy when you decide to go for it.
2. Buying folic acid and learning that you should take it for at least a month before trying to get pregnant.
So I guess I’ll be over here, taking folic acid and twiddling my thumbs for a month.
3. Cutting out caffeine is a lot harder than either of you imagined.
But hey, at least you now have an idea of what it’ll be like to be so tired after the baby arrives.
5. But the hardest part is getting in shape and eating well.
Can having a baby feel as a good as a cheeseburger? Don’t answer that.
6. If you tell people your plans they will have a lot to say about it.
“Are you sure you’re ready?” “I hope you don’t hate pregnancy as much I did.” “Does this mean you won’t be able to go to Coachella next year?”
7. And as time goes on they’ll start asking how your sex life is going, and offer awkwardly intimate suggestions.
“I hope you’re not riding cowgirl, because to get pregnant the man needs to be on top. Also, if you’re using lube, stop.”
8. You hear all kinds of old wives’ ideas on how to conceive that make you roll your eyes.
Apparently it will happen if you have sex during a full moon, worship crystals, eat raw eggs, stand on your head, and drink cough syrup every day. Riiight.
9. But you secretly try them because who knows?
10. You suddenly notice kids everywhere you go.
And you can’t help but imagine what it would be like if they were yours.
11. When your friends offer to let you babysit, you actually take them up on the offer.
The experience either convinces you that you can do this, or makes you question your sanity.
12. If you’re a briefs guy, wearing boxers takes a lot of getting used to.
13. You’ll also miss using your laptop on your lap.
14. Not to mention riding your bike.
Freaking temperamental sperm.
15. Taking your temperature is now a regular part of your morning routine.
It’s all part of tracking your cycle.
16. In fact, tracking your cycle has sort of taken over your life.
Who knew you had to be a math genius to get pregnant?
17. Despite all of that you will buy a bunch of ovulation kits anyway.
Because you just want to know when it’s really time, okay?
18. When you are at your peak fertility YOU. WILL. HAVE. SEX.
It doesn’t matter where you are or what the circumstances are. You’ll go into a broom closet if you have to.
19. In fact, you will have lots and lots of sex and it won’t always be the sexy kind.
Not feeling it? Too bad! This IS going to happen!
20. There are few times in life you will feel as ridiculous as you do when you lay on your back and hug your legs after sex.
21. The two weeks you have to wait between having sex and being able to take a test is the worst.
22. You can never buy just one pregnancy test.
Because you start taking them at the absolute earliest time possible to get a result, and then do it every few hours after that.
23. Lastly, the disappointment of a “not pregnant” test.
And the frustration of knowing you’ll have to do it all over again the next month.
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