21 People You Meet When You're Expecting A Baby

They can make nine months seem like an eternity.

1. The Detective

NBC

They interrogate you about whether the pregnancy was planned, if you know what you're having, and anything else they can think of.

2. The Mystic

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They claim to be able to predict the sex of the baby with nothing more than a wedding ring and string.

3. The Doomsdayer

Fox

They say things like, "The fun times are over for you, pal!" and "I don't know if I could bring a kid into the world the way it is right now."

4. The Homebirther

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They strongly campaign for you to have a home birth, and show you photos of their home births that either convince you or make you say, "Oh, hell, no!"

5. The Ultrasound Technician

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They're either your favorite person (printing perfect photos of your baby in utero and saying, "Do you want to know the sex?"), or your least favorite person as they stare at the screen and mumble, "The baby just won't cooperate today."

6. The Police Officer

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They watch you like a hawk and are quick to say things like, "Should you be eating that?" and "Are you supposed be doing that?"

7. The Comedian

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They never miss a chance to make hilarious jokes like, "Look at you! What are you having? Quintuplets?" and "Hey, big fella, you sure it's yours?"

8. The Creepy Guy

Columbia Pictures

They get lecherous a look in their eye and say things like, "When did it happen? On the wedding night?"

9. The Oblivious

youtube.com

If they realize you're pregnant they sure don't let on that they do — especially on a bus or the subway.

10. The Rookies

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They want to know if it, like, totally hurts, or if it feels, like, super weird to have something growing inside of you.

11. The Salesman

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They swear by a certain brand of maternity jeans or boppy so much that you're convinced they're on the company's payroll.

12. The Obstetrician

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They can be warm and supportive or aloof and clinical; brilliant or inept. No matter what, though, you will never forget them.

13. The Adamant Breastfeeder

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They never fail to give you a speech about how important it is to breastfeed every time you see them.

14. The Reminscer

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They think that because you're about to have a kid you want to listen to them go on and on about what it was like for them to have kids.

15. The Lamaze Instructor

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They're a little eccentric — or maybe a lot eccentric — but you'll be glad to have known them on your big day.

16. The Grandma

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They come up to you at the mall and say things like, "God bless you, honey," and "What a gift you're giving to your parents. There's no greater gift than a grand baby!"

17. The Birth Planner

NBC

They tell you that you absolutely must have a birth plan, and email you endless articles and excel docs.

18. The Social Worker

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They come to your house when you're trying to adopt and are either really nice, or annoy you by saying stuff like, "IF you get this child..."

19. The Horror Storyteller

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They had a difficult pregnancy, and scare the heck out of you by describing every single harrowing detail of what happened to them.

20. The Mansplaining Mentor

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These self-appointed gurus dole out long-winded advice peppered with anecdotes that start, "When my wife was pregnant she..."

21. Your Baby

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They make having had to deal with all of these crazies for the last nine months 110% worth it.