Promoted

Hippest Resume You Have Ever Seen

And it’s not even from a TEEN! It’s from a DAD!!

1. UPDATE


your dad

@Dads_Secret

@michaelhayes Mike hire me, I am willing to be martyred for buzzfeed

Following speculation that the social media editor is dead, Twitter pro Dad has offered to risk life and limb and lay down his life if necessary to become BuzzFeed’s new social shaman. This is bravery.

4. His follow-up questions have been impressive, too.


@michaelhayes Did I get the big Job?— your dad


@michaelhayes do you guys validate parking?— your dad

@michaelhayes wow that is great news. Do you drug test? and is it okay if I leave early on thursdays to take my kid to Karate

— Dads_Secret (@your dad)

@michaelhayes wow that is great news. Do you drug test? and is it okay if I leave early on thursdays to take my kid to Karate— your dad

7. Besides his resume being DYNAMITE, he’s also pretty real on Twitter.

i relate with the angry chef in Action movies that yells when the chase scene runs through his kitchen, he just wants to cook, no nonsense

— Dads_Secret (@your dad)

i relate with the angry chef in Action movies that yells when the chase scene runs through his kitchen, he just wants to cook, no nonsense— your dad

Sex has absolutely nothing to do with love. I know this because I have never had sex with pizza

— Dads_Secret (@your dad)

Sex has absolutely nothing to do with love. I know this because I have never had sex with pizza— your dad

*dinner at a Mexican restaurant* "yes, ill take the enchiladas" "what kind of beans would you like " *camera zooms in, you smile* "jelly"

— Dads_Secret (@your dad)

*dinner at a Mexican restaurant* “yes, ill take the enchiladas” “what kind of beans would you like ” *camera zooms in, you smile* “jelly”— your dad

Bob Saget quietly folding when he gets dealt a Full House

— Dads_Secret (@your dad)

Bob Saget quietly folding when he gets dealt a Full House— your dad

11. His references are strong.

@michaelhayes @weird_dealer @nillawafers yes definitely, dude sent me stickers the other day i can vouch for his realness

— drewmillard (@tryhard millard)

@michaelhayes @weird_dealer @nillawafers yes definitely, dude sent me stickers the other day i can vouch for his realness— tryhard millard

@michaelhayes @Dads_Secret dad told me that if he doesn't get the job we will have to leave the suburbs me and dad live the suburbs

— Pearcebrujo (@Joan Rivers)

@michaelhayes @Dads_Secret dad told me that if he doesn’t get the job we will have to leave the suburbs me and dad live the suburbs— Joan Rivers

@michaelhayes @drewmillard @NillaWafers aye fam you better high him damn

— Weird_Dealer (@your dealer)

@michaelhayes @drewmillard @NillaWafers aye fam you better high him damn— your dealer

14. His kids vouch for dad.

15. Also, he said he’ll go cover Coachella this weekend, which nobody else wants to do.

16. Still vetting, but we’re close. Real close.

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