My Personal List Of Majestic Halloween Costumes 2015

"I'M A MINION, DUH!" -- Over the years I have been compiling presentations of terrible Halloween costumes for feminist presentations. This one is not about the problematic (although I'll do a list of that later), but merely about the most magically bizarre sexy costumes I could ever hope to find.

Sexy "Cecil the Lion" Costume

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Have your boyfriend go as a dentist and make everyone at the party instantly uncomfortable.

Sexy Minion Costume

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For role-play that gets real weird, real fast.

Sexy Goldfish (Deluxe!)

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Because you too should be able to say you hooked up with a goldfish last night.

Sexy Troll Doll

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I don't really have any commentary on this other than this is a weird toy to begin with, and an even weirder costume that shouldn't have gone there.

Sexy Yoda

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Bad idea, this is.

Sexy Squid

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This could be a fun rave costume, except the actual title of the costume is "Sexy Squid" and I'm not okay with that.

Sexy Lobster

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In an accompanying "Under the sea" theme, you too could go through all the trouble of doing your hair only to put on a giant fuzzy lobster hat and mittens.

Sexy Hamburger

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Technically this costume is called "Honey Buns," but it's actually "Everything Wrong With Our Nation." Also, her face tho.

Sexy Captain Crunch

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Not a sea captain. STRAIGHT UP CAPTAIN CRUNCH. Where's the sexy Quaker Oats dude???

Sexy Oscar the Grouch

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Technically called "Sexy Trash Monster," this costume is the perfect way to indicate that you have never seen Sesame Street and never will.

Sexy Ernie

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BUT WAIT, Y'ALL. YOU COULD BE SEXY ERNIE. Sexy Bert exists too, but it's a little more modest. How in character! lolololol

And last, but obviously not least...SEXY PATRICK.

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It's flying off the shelves, guys. Don't be embarrassed when you're the 5th sexy Patrick at your Halloween party.