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    Barbie's Abandoned Family Members

    Barbie may preach that "We girls can do anything," but holding down 87 careers comes at a price. From her little sister Tutti to Tanner, her pooping dog, the doll's made a habit of cruelly cutting off those closest to her. Watch your back, Ken.

    Tutti & Todd, Barbie's Twin Siblings

    Francie, Barbie's Cousin

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    In 1966 Barbie started hanging out with her cousin Francie, who had a "mod" '60s wardrobe, a thinner figure, and beautiful rooted eyelashes. She mysteriously disappeared in 1976, and while there's no evidence that Barbie murdered her in a fit of jealous rage, there's also no evidence that she didn't.

    Jazzie, Barbie's "Cool Teen Cousin"

    Kelly I/Stacie/Kelly II, Barbie's Little Sister

    Krissy, Barbie's Baby Sister

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    Disappeared in 2001. Barbie's only statement on the matter: "It will shock you how much it never happened."

    Barbie's Pets

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    Most greusome playset ever: Barbie's pet cemetery, which contains 21 dogs, 15 horses, six cats, a parrot, a chimpanzee, a panda, a lion cub, a giraffe, and a zebra. As it turns out, Barbie didn't find her dog Tanner's realistic pooping action all that amusing.