The Ultimate Baby’s Guide To Going Out

Nap hard, play harder. posted on

1. When getting ready, make sure your hair is styled to perfection.

2. And remember to play up your best asset.

3. Always consult your best friends before deciding on an outfit.

4. And if they don’t like it, change.

they have your best interest at heart.

5. Make sure you have enough food in your stomach before you start drinking.

You don’t want to vom all over your new bib.

6. It’s not a pregame unless music and/or dancing is involved.

9. Whether it’s getting a designated driver or a cab, make your transportation plans beforehand.

10. Avoid a drunken entrance.

Don’t ruin your chances of getting in…or getting kicked out too early.

11. Don’t waste all your money on drinks…

12. …when you can just steal* someone else’s.

Only when they’re not looking…DUH!

*steal at your own risk- you’ll never be sure what could be in that drink.

14. When all else fails, stick to cheap shots.

Because baby formula cocktails are just way too overpriced.

15. When you hear your favorite song…

16. ..head straight to the dance floor…

17. …and DANCE.

18. Dance with your friends

19. Dance by yourself

21. Dance with strangers

if it’s an inanimate object, blame it on the alcohol.

22. And even get into a dance-off.

23. Don’t just stand in the corner with the other party POOPERS.

NO ONE likes a dirty diaper.

24. Shake what your mama gave ya!

Hater’s gonna hate anyway.

25. When you hit on someone, choose your pick-up line wisely.

For example, this will probably get you slapped.

26. And approach with caution.

27. Don’t come on too strong…

28. …or you’ll get the “I hate you” finger flick…

so subtle, you might miss the hint.

29. …or the turn down head-turn…

Rejection hurts.

30. …or the “get the f*ck away from me!”…

31. …or the sassy sarcasm…

It’s like a stab in the heart.

32. …or if you’re lucky, the straight-up shutdown.

At least they’re telling it to you straight.

33. Ditch the creepiness…

34. …and you’ll higher your chances of getting this:

35. and feeling like this:

SCORE!

36. Another rule to remember: No drunk night is complete without binge eating.

The more carbs, the better.

37. Just keep your food to yourself.

38. Sharing is not an option.

39. And any attempt to do so will end in DEATH.

40. Basically, eat until you pass out.

42. If you need to crash somewhere, call the couch…

43. …or cuddle up with a friend.

44. Really, just find a spot anywhere.

45. No matter where you end up sleeping…you’ll wake up with a smile.

46. Because your night ROCKED.

47. And if you can’t remember why, you’ll always have your camera for proof…

ALWAYS take pictures.

48. …of all the drinks you had…

49. …and the decisions you’ll regret…

50. …and the moments you can joke with your friends about that gives you validation that it was all worth it.

Like the new friend you made, but don’t remember the name of.

Extra points for photobombing.

54. Lastly, when you party hard, remember one thing: the HANGOVER.

55. it’s inevitable.

56. But also curable.

Fact: bacon cures hangovers.

57. Good Luck And Party On!

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