Note: In order to ensure accuracy, commentary has been taken directly from the scientific reports.
2. Peeps and alcohol.
The peep imbibed liberally. Note that this Peep is having trouble swimming upright. This same peep bumped into the sides of the experimental chamber several times over the duration of this study
The test subject did report a moderate headache and some nausea the day following this study. Otherwise, however, this Peep was not substantially or permanently impaired.
3. Peeps and cigarettes.
Our Peep subject was permitted to select the cigarette brand of its choice. Please remember that representatives of the tobacco industry insist that they have never marketed their products to young chicks.
The Peep showed no adverse signs to smoking this cigarette, although it expressed concern that it might someday be forced to huddle outside public buildings in the snow. Of course, it can quit anytime it wants to…
6. Peeps and cigarettes AND alcohol
Here, we bring together the elements from the first two parts of the study.
Unfortunately, the subject began to show some adverse signs to the combination of treatments. Note in particular the blackening along the lower extremities, the faint flame surrounding the subject, and the mild scent of caramelizing sugar.
…soon the flames became quite substantial, initiating a metamorphosis. The subject entered the stage which scientists call “ball of charred goo”.
The synergistic effect of smoking and alcohol in Peeps produces a rapidly exothermic oxidation reaction, leading to a chemical and morphological divergence from the wild-type Peep phenotypes.
Assistant lab members described these divergent Peeps as “less sweet,” “crunchier,” and “gross” when compared to the Peeps which used either alcohol or tobacco, but not both. For these reasons, it is our strong recommendation to JustBorn Corporation that they supervise young Peeps and educate them of the risks associated with smoking and alcohol.